You’re Not Overreacting… You’re Time Traveling

Scottie Durrett  0:02  
Hey there, Mama. Welcome back to momplex. Welcome back to the podcast. Okay, we are going to do a little back to the future time travel today. I love that movie. I love back to the future. I think the original is one of those top 10 movies for me, and we're going to do a little back to the future right now. I want you wherever you are, if you're on a walk with me right now, if you're listening in the car, if you're running around and have me on in the background, I want you to just take a moment don't overthink it. Just let the information drop in. I want you to just think about the last time you overacted toward your child, not the obvious stuff, not when they legitimately did something out of line. I mean those moments where, even if, as it's happening, you almost see yourself and you don't recognize yourself, you're thinking, Wait, this is a lot. Maybe they got a bad grade. Maybe they were left excluded out of the party on Saturday night. Maybe they got benched for the game, and they usually start. Maybe they talk back to you. Maybe they shut the door in your face. Maybe they actually shut down and stop talking to you. And maybe they just didn't handle something the way that you think they should have handled something. Maybe they didn't get, you know, maybe they didn't go through something in the in the manner or in the way that you think that they should I mean, I, you know, I can think about like, you know, something that really triggered me recently was my son has been starting third base for his baseball team, and then just out of the blue, he his coach just made him the designated hitter. He just, all of a sudden, wasn't starting. And I could feel the stress and the panic rise up in my body, and I kind of lashed out at him, like, why is that happening? What's going on? What do you think this means? And he just literally said, Mom, it's just a rotation, you know, but I could see myself kind of overreacting. There was something in that experience that triggered me and made me overreact. And this is not an episode about shame. I'll tell you that right now, because you are amazing. You are the way that you are for a reason, and we're going to talk about that, and all of this is going to make sense, scientifically, emotionally, spiritually, when I explain to you why this happens, but I just want you to notice and trust that whatever comes up is the thing that I want you to focus on in this conversation. Don't overthink it. You know, maybe they didn't get invited to that party that everybody's been talking about or posting about on Instagram, and suddenly you feel almost like you're 14 years old again, sitting alone in your bedroom on a Saturday night, the phone isn't your swatch, phone isn't ringing, and you're listening to Brian Adams on your tape cassette or your CD player, and you have the worst, hollowed out feeling in your stomach. That's kind of what I'm talking about when I say time travel. There are things, and we're going to explain why this happens. There are things that, as a mom, that we witness our children going through, and it has such an effect on us, because it reminds us as something that we went through around that same age. And so when that experience takes place, you yourself as the adult you are not even present in the moment you go back to that age that you were when you experienced the similar feeling. And so in that moment, you might not even be 49 year old. Scotty 40 something year old. You, you might be 13 year old. You shut back all the way to that Saturday night in your bedroom crying, listening to Brian Adams feeling so left out, or setting your tail off, and then getting thinking that you poured your heart out and then getting a C right, you can almost think back to those moments, right? And when you are not yourself in those moments, you kind of have an out of body reaction, something that isn't really how you would respond in these moments. Say, your kid doesn't get invited to that party, and you want to call the other mom of the kid who left your kid out and let her fucking have it. Excuse me, we do cuz on this podcast from time to time when it demands it, and you actually wanna demand that, that mom recount and say, Why did you leave my kid out? Even though there's a part of your brain that knows that's not how you really wanna handle the situation. Your body is reacting like this is your social death sentence, not theirs, right? Like you can almost feel this in the cells of your body, right? And it kind of transports you back to that time when it just felt so awful when you had to go through it. And that's what I mean by time travel, right? Your body gets tight. Your tone even changes.

Scottie Durrett  5:01  
You don't even sound like yourself anymore. And you get this catch in your stomach. You can hardly breathe. Your heart is racing. You start to get a little sweaty, you start to panic. And you go from calm to that kind of DEF calm panic in two seconds flat. And then maybe later on, like usually after a shower, a walk, or maybe when the sun comes up the next day, you think, Wait, that was so unlike me. Why did I react like that? That? Why that that situation really triggered me? And here's what I want to offer you today. You're not just reacting to your kid in that moment. You're actually reacting to your past, and I talked about this a little bit a couple weeks ago. I've learned so much recently about this, I guess, protective system that we have in our body called neuroception. It lives in our brainstem, and I'm learning so much. I'm diving deep into polyvagal theory and Peter Levine and just understanding how much our history and past experiences still live inside of our bodies, and they do affect how we react and respond to life. And I want to make it really simple, because this is one of those things that once you know it, once you see it, you can't unknow it, you can't unsee it. Your nervous system is here to keep you alive and keep you safe, and that that what I told you about neuroception. It is there to protect you, and it's constantly scanning the world in front of you for safety. And it's with that part of your brain called neuroception, and it's scanning all the milliseconds within every single second to determine if this is safe, if you're at threat or if you're going to die. That's its job. And think of it like your nervous system is kind of like a bouncer at a club who's been on the job for way too long. It's checking IDs, you know, against a banned list from like 1998 right? It still thinks you're underage, but you're way old enough to be heading into the bar, bar, but it still thinks you're underage, so it's like, I'm not going to let you in. Well, it now your nervous system sees your kids bad grades, your kids yelling at you, your kid being excluded from the birthday party. And your neuroception, your nervous system is going to say, wait what? I've been here before. I know this story. This sucks. I don't like the way this feels. I know this situation and it ruined our eighth grade so guess what? We're going to make sure that you're protected and you don't ever feel like that again. Our nervous system, neuroception, doesn't always act logically, but it's acting in our best interest. Because underneath it all, it's always asking, have we been here before? Is this something that we have felt and experienced before? And how did that make us feel? It did make us feel good. So we're going to have we're going to protect ourselves right now. We're going to bring out some protector parts and make sure that we never feel the way that we did in eighth grade again. And we definitely don't want our kids to feel this way. This is we're just going to pretend. We're just going to prevent this from all all costs. And what neuroception will actually do is, when it's scanning your present day moment and you come across an experience, it'll actually pull out, it's like a storage unit. It'll go into your storage unit of experiences, and pull out something that might be similar, and say, Hey, we've been here before, and this is how it turned out. We're not going to let this happen again, right? It'll even say, like, Does this feel like anything we've been through in the past, and it will access things from your past to find similarities of what you might have gone through in the past to what you're going through right now. And it's always going to ask, Is this safe? Do I need to protect you? And here's the key part, it doesn't just respond to what's happening right now. It responds based on what happened to you before. So when something in your kid's life feels familiar to you, say, the bad grade, getting broken up with getting excluded, having girl, having Mean Girls come into the pitch, maybe somebody not listening to you, somebody cutting you off in traffic, right? Something where you they were supposed to call you or text you back, and they didn't. Maybe you got maybe this happened to you when you were 13 or 14, and so your system is going to react to you like it's happening right now in the present, at this very moment, it's going to think it's still happening to you. Let's say your kid is 13, and when you were 13, like seventh grade sucked. That just was so hard.

Scottie Durrett  9:41  
Maybe you struggled socially, maybe you were bullied, maybe you developed late, maybe you developed early, and you had a lot of there was a lot of stress around that. Maybe girls called you and hung up on you, or maybe you were talked about by people behind your back, and maybe you got backstabbed by some friends. Maybe you. Maybe you just didn't feel comfortable in your changing body during those pre teen years, and you didn't really have an adult that helped you through that. So you felt really alone. You felt very left out maybe school, and that time of your life felt very overwhelming. At least I could be speaking for myself right now. And so maybe you didn't feel confident in your body or in your place in the world. Now your kid hits 13, and they start going through totally normal, developmentally appropriate stuff with friends and life and puberty, but your nervous system goes, Wait, I know this story. I've been here before, and suddenly it's not just your kid being 13. It's you being 13 all over again. You time travel back to that time, to that version of you back in time, and that's who shows up in present day. And here's what I learned so interestingly, it's not just 13 year old you, it's 13 year old, you nervous system and confidence and experience in life that's present. Imagine your life is a bus, usually your grounded, wise, 40 year old self that you're you're usually your grounded, like wise self is usually driving that bus, but when your kid gets rejected from that party, your 13 year old part panics, runs to the front of the bus, kicks you out of the driver's seat and grabs the wheel. They don't know how to drive. They don't have enough experience on the road, but they took the wheel. They are literally in control of the bus right now, and it's not that we need to kick 13 year old off the bus or be mad at her, or tell her that she's bad. It's almost about one recognizing that this is obviously something that's from your past and it's coming up again, and being a parent of a kid, it can bring all this stuff back up, especially a lot of the stuff that's unresolved parts of us that went through something triggering, but we never really came in and made that part feel safe again, right? So it's not about kicking 13 year old you off the bus. It's about gently moving her back to her seat and saying, I see you're scared, and I want you to know I love you and I've got you, and I'm the one in the driver's seat. Now I'm the one with the driver's license. I've got this. And this is where something called parts work comes in. You've probably heard about, like internal family systems, polyvagal theory and nervous system work, right? Parts work is a huge component of that. We all have different parts of ourselves, different versions of us, that formed during different moments in our life, usually during a traumatic experience or something that was just too much for our little systems to handle. And when we go through something traumatic and it's too intense for our system, that part of us almost separates from us. And even though it's still attached by like a bungee cord, it's almost formed a permanent like, it's almost like frozen in time, like a permanent place outside of us. And this is where, you know, I'm trying to think of an example of this. Okay, so I developed really early, and I needed to wear a bra before most of the girls in my class, I got my period really early. My body just developed really early. And if you don't know me, I have an hourglass figure. I am on the more voluptuous side. So as a 12 and 13 year old, my body really developed a lot faster than my 12 year old, 13 year old, mind and heart could I wasn't caught up to that yet, and I started to get a lot of unsolicited, scary attention from boys in high school and older men. And I wasn't equipped as an adult to actually handle that and to be able to talk back to them or stand up for myself. And it was very traumatic, and I felt very scared and very vulnerable, so that 12 year old me, that part of me actually left my body in a way, to almost disassociate from this unwanted attention, but it was so traumatized that it almost

Scottie Durrett  14:27  
needed to separate in order to survive, right? And it became so vulnerable, it's almost like that little child in me, kind of like stopped growing in that moment. She kind of got frozen in fear. And you know, our bodies and our minds and our systems are so unbelievably adaptive and beautiful and protective, but a protector part came out in order to actually protect this little innocent part of me that was getting all this unwanted attention. And this protector part basically said, I am going to be here for you forever and I'm never. Going to let that happen to you again. Now I talked about this. I think I talked about this in a couple episodes, but I'll just, I'll dive into protector parts for y'all today. But protector parts can look like the overachiever, the people pleaser, the perfectionist, the doer. There's a lot of different levels of protector parts, but what it's doing is to say, like, Look, if I'm going to be a doer, I'm always busy all the time. That means I'm never slowing down enough for people to look at me, or I'm going to be a perfectionist, or I'm going to be, gosh, I mean, like a lot of eating disorders formed for me around this time, because there was a part of me that said, Look, if we lose a lot of weight, then we're not voluptuous, then we're not going to be attractive to those men, those strange men that are so scary. That's what happens when you become when trauma. To understand trauma, it's when something happens to you that is way too much for your system and you don't have a safe counterpart to help you through it, and trauma can happen at any time, in any different way. There's no like one definition to say that you have had trauma or not if there's a situation that's too much for your system, and there's no like loving witness to help you through it that is traumatic to your system, and that's where these parts can form, and while they're still attached to us, they almost get frozen in time. And so if my daughter at that same age goes through some unwanted attention, it is go my my neuroception, my nervous system is going to think we've been through this before, that part of us that was traumatized, she's here, and that's who's going to show up in my body at the time. So my daughter would have been literally parented through this really interesting and tough season by 13 year old me, because that's who would have come to I would have been triggered, and I would have been reminded by of that situation that I went through. And so my system would have been like, oh my gosh, it's 13 year old. You. We've actually traveled back in time. And it's just, it's, I'm not probably explaining it very well. I really recommend if you're interested in this polyvagal theory, Peter Levine, he dives into all of this stuff. It's just so unbelievably interesting. And once you hear it, once you start to realize this is happening. You can't unknow it. And I think it's really helpful, because it's it explains why there are some situations that feel way more triggering and overwhelming and make us feel like we're not acting like ourselves. Like, gosh, that was why am I acting like this? Why am I panicking like this? Why am I losing sleep over this? Why am I I don't even sound like myself. My voice is higher. My voice is lower. I feel like I'm not even in my own body anymore. And that's really because it's not actually adult. You in that moment, if we're triggered by something and it calls on an experience that we had in that past, that past part of us is going to be who ends up coming into the present moment to work through that situation with us, because they're going to say, this is way too scary. This has happened to us before. It's literally bringing me back in time, and now there's 13 year old me in here again. It's so fascinating. But honestly, this helped me really, truly start to understand how I am all these different energies and why certain things trigger me and to understand what triggered me in the past. I think it's just a really good awareness for us to have. Sorry, my nose is running and itching, but

Scottie Durrett  18:32  
it's really like, it's really, really fascinating when you understand it's not just adult you in the moment, there are there's history, there's life experiences, there are past parts of you who are here, who are still affected, and who are really needing to feel seen and safe and protected. And that's where when we become vulnerable in those moments as kids, when we have traumatic experiences and we're vulnerable, that's when we form these protector parts to come in and keep us safe, to basically say, I will never let you feel this way again. Protector parts like the pleaser, you the perfectionist, the constant doer, all of those things honestly come in and they are there. Listen for the best intentions and the best reasons of all, but it can also keep us stuck, and that's why it's really important to understand which protector parts you have at certain moments, because it's really good to understand like why you act the way that you do and why you're responding the way that you do. I just think this whole thing is super fascinating. I do want, I am going to, I later on in the episode, I will talk about some of those protector parts so we can get a better handle on what you might you might be able to understand what is coming up for you, like there's a part. Of you that learn to over achieve, so that you never slow down, so that you always get that external praise you know that you are in control of the the recognition that you're getting. There's a part that learned to keep the peace, the peacemaker, even if it means, you know, not showing up. Maybe this is formed because when you asked for something that you was really important to you, it might have upset maybe one of your caregivers, or maybe it made your sibling really mad at you, so you've decided I'm never going to ask for things anymore. I'm just going to keep the peace so that I stay safe. Maybe there's a part of you that never felt seen, maybe you felt like nobody heard you, or they misunderstood you, or they never were there to cheer you on for your sports, or you felt like you were, I don't know, always forgotten to get picked up by your parents at school. Maybe there's that part that just feels very vulnerable, and you think, gosh, if I just show up in a certain perfect way, then I'll never be hurt again. These parts don't disappear when you grow up. They live in your nervous system. And when something feels familiar, they step in very fast and show up with the best intention to keep you safe, to protect you. Think of all these parts as your inner security team. They aren't trying to make you a bad mom. They're not trying to make you a control freak. They're actually frozen in time, trying to protect that younger version of you from a pain that they think is still happening or they think is happening right now, even if that experience isn't directed at you, it's directed at your kid these parts, they have a 100% positive intention, but they're Using 13 year old you to navigate your current life. And so now that your kid is dealing with something hard and before you're grounded. So now that your kid is dealing with something hard like you might be one moment grounded adult you, but 13 year old you takes over the 13 year old that you felt, that felt left out the 16 year old you that got her heart broken, the 10 year old you that didn't feel good enough. And that part says, I know how to handle this. We've been there. We've done this. The same story. I know what we need to do to make sure that this pain ends right now. But here's the thing, she doesn't actually do that, not for this moment, because she's not responding to your child. She's trying to protect you. Yes, that's the best intention for you and your kid, but she is there for you, not your kid past you protective parts you. She's showing up based on your past to keep you safe. That's your nervous system's job, but she's not there to protect your kid. And this is where it starts to show up and how we parent. We start to get Uber controlling. We step in too fast to, quote, fix things. We try to manage outcomes. We call the mom who's hosting the party and lose it on her for excluding our kid or write her off for good. We over help, we over fix, we overdo, not because we're trying to be too intense, but because there's a belief underneath all of that that says, If I can just get this right, if I can just protect them from feeling what I felt, then everything will be okay. But this is what might sting a little bit. Your job is not

Scottie Durrett  23:21  
to eliminate the struggle for your kids. It's to help them build the capacity in their nervous system to move through life, to learn how to become an adult. We tell ourselves we're being helpful when we call that mom, or when we do their essay for them, or when we, you know, protect them and pretend like they're, you know, pretend like their pain doesn't exist. We it's like our own discomfort we're trying to get rid of, truly, so that we don't have to feel that 10 year old anxiety anymore, that 13 year old pain that we felt before. We're using our own kids as a weighted blanket, and we want to let them be the kids, so that they can learn how to get through these situations so that they're not repeating what we are doing currently. Like we have to understand that our reaction sometimes is not really about our kids, it's more about what we went through. And if we can start to identify that, then we can start to understand what parts of us need to get the love and attention that they didn't get at that time in the past, so that then we can take care of our shit on our own and get our shit out of the way, so that then we can be the adult for our kids and let them be themselves, experience life on their own terms, and us not get in the way of that. Because when we remove every challenge from our kids, when we fix every problem, when we step in before they've even had a chance to feel anything. They don't then build resilience. They don't learn that they can handle stuff. They learn, ooh, I'm obviously not capable of handling this on my on my own. Someone has to handle this for me. And I see this all the time, time with moms. I talk to that profession. Fashionist part shows up, the one that needs everything to look good, to feel good, to be handled so that they can relax. Or the doer part, the one that says, I'll just take care of it. It's easier if I do it myself. And yes, maybe in the moment, it seems easier, but long term, it's going to keep your kids from building their own nervous system strength, and it's going to keep you stuck in overdrive. It's going to keep you stuck on that hamster wheel where you never really resolve that part of you that was triggered originally, that had to go through that trauma originally, and it keeps you stuck on this hamster wheel, which inevitably just leads to burnout. And here's another piece we don't talk about enough when those younger parts are running the show in your parenting, they don't just impact your kids. They impact your whole life, your marriage, your energy, your ability to actually be present. Let me take a sip of my lemon water One moment, please. Because if you're constantly trying to control something that was never yours to control in the first place, and you're allowing this to yourself to transport back in time, and you're bringing your own past into the present and letting that cloud what's really going on in the present moment, that we're not actually being the guide and the safe nervous system and the adult that our kids really, really deserve, and it's we don't want to live in that pain, that constant repeat pain, right? So what do we do with this? What do we do if there are younger parts of us who were triggered and went through trauma, traumatic experiences as a child, but we never really address those feelings. We never really nurtured that part of us that was went through that trauma, and that part of us keeps showing up. We start to feel like we're reverting back. We start to feel like we're time traveling back to painful memories, and we're overreacting situations with our kids, that when they really need us to be the grounded adult. What? So what do we do with all this? Because the answer is not to shame yourself, to blame yourself. You're there's nothing wrong with you. It's not to say, Oh my God, I've been doing this all wrong. No, no, the answer to all of this is just awareness. It's just to start to notice the next time you feel that surge, that urgency, that tightness, that panic that we need to fix this right now feeling, just pause and take your a couple of deep, nourishing breaths and ask yourself this simple question, How old do I feel right now, where is it? Where do what is this reminding me of not How old are you, but how old do you feel? Because if you feel like you're back in middle school, if you feel like you've time traveled to a different part of your life, that tells you something really important, that tells you that that past part of you has stepped in, and instead of letting her drive the bus, instead of letting her run the show, you can acknowledge her and say, I see you. I know why this feels big, but I've got this now, and you're safe.

Scottie Durrett  28:12  
Something to understand about our nervous system, which I didn't really understand, is that our nervous system doesn't speak in language, we have to show it, not tell it. And so a lot of times, one of the best antidotes to this is to actually just hit the pause button and take some deep, nourishing breaths, whatever it helps you feel grounded and safe in your in your moment. Because what we really want to do is show that part of us that's feeling like it's in danger, like if you can look around your present day situation and say, Wait, but I'm not in danger right now. So this is telling me that this is a past part of me, because I'm not in danger right now. And that's how we come back to our adult self, that version of us that can stay grounded, the version of us that can let our kid have their experience without making it about us, without needing to control it, without needing to fix it, without needing to dissociate or avoid it, without making it mean Something about their future, because our kids don't need us to be perfect. They don't need life to be perfect. They need and really are looking for you to be the steady Eddie. They need you to trust that they can handle hard things. They need you to show them that you're there to support them through your presence, not your control, and that they are capable. And honestly, so are you. It's really interesting when you start to understand this about yourself, it's, it's, it's so fascinating when we think about how brilliant the human body is, the brain, neuroception, the nervous system, it. So adaptable. It's literally here to keep you safe and make sure that you don't die, right? So it's always trying to protect you, if you can remember that in every situation when you feel out of control, when you're feeling panicked, when you can just take a deep breath and say, Okay, wait. I know that my my energy and my body is doing this to try and keep me safe and make sure I don't die. Let me take a couple of deep, nourishing breaths, put my hand on my chest so I can feel the oxygen like literally feeling my lungs, and look around and say, Wait. Am I about to die in this moment? Am I about? Am I unsafe in this moment? I'm not. So this tells me that this is a past part of me, a past part of me that is feeling unsafe, that is remembering something that happened in the past. So what can I do to help that past part of me show that past part of me that I'm safe, that I've got this, and we can do that through deep breathing, through music, through grounding, through swaying, putting your hands on your chest and just swaying side to side, and taking some deep breaths and just letting your body and your your soul and your nervous system, like, feel that okay, we're safe in this moment. It's not even telling your system, it's literally showing your system, like I've literally, I'm holding you and I've got you, and we're safe in this moment. And we do that by really trying to regulate our nervous system and deep breathing, grounding, nature, music, all of those things, showers, all of those things can help us regulate our nervous system, and it's in that moment that we can then be present and bring our adult, current day self back into the moment, and then be that grounded nervous system that our kids really, really need. And on your own, it's really taking that time to work on that past part, to understand, like what happened to me in the past that was that got triggered today, and how can I be there for past me, to give past me the love and support that she didn't get 30 years ago? How can I be there for her now? Because we want to separate that from our kids, because it's not our kids, it's not what our kids need from us. It's almost like separating, like, how can we ground ourselves in the moment and bring adult us back to the moment to be adult us for our kids that they need so desperately, but then on your own time, recognizing that past part that is still there that needs you to be there for her. Those are two separate things, but awareness is what really helps us understand what's going on. Being aware of what's triggering you why it could be triggering you see if you can connect it to a past experience and in that moment, doing what you need to do to hit the pause button, get yourself grounded back into the present moment in whatever ways feel the best for your nervous system, so that you can be that present adult for your kids, and then on your time, it's your beautiful opportunity

Scottie Durrett  33:13  
to go support that part of you that got brought up to the surface today and say, I just want to notice How I can be there. What, what? What got you activated? Like? How can I be there for you? And so this week, I just want you to notice, where do you get the most activated and triggered? Where do you jump in really quickly? Where do you feel that need to control or fix? And instead of reacting, hit the pause button and get curious, because that awareness, that's the shift, that's where everything starts to have the potential to change, and that's what we again, it's just like showing our body that we are safe, showing our system that we have it and that we're in the present moment, and showing our kids that we believe that they can handle tough situations, right? We want to show their nervous systems that they are safe and they can handle challenges, because we all know that as you get older, the challenges don't go away. There's always a mean girl, there's always a bad grade, there's always a rejection, there's always something that could be traumatic. What we want to do is help our kid kids. Build up resiliency, build up self trust, build up a nervous system that can handle what life is dishing out to them. If we come in and prevent that growth for on their side, they're going to end up right to where we are, where they're constantly being triggered and never really understanding that it's not adult them in the moment. It's past them. We want to help them in the present moment, manage the trauma and be that compassionate witness for them, to hold that space for them. So in order for us to do that, it's regulating our nervous system, getting traveling back to the future. From the past, being that grounded adult that they deserve, and taking care of our past parts on our own time. And it's really beautiful that our own kids can teach us so much about ourselves. Rather than looking at all these experiences as failures, look at all of them as information and feedback that your beautiful life is teaching about you, and what an incredible opportunity that you have to be taught about you, and that you have choice how to work with that information and how to shift it. And think about how powerful and strong you will then be able to be for your kids and what how you will be able to teach them, and that's what I've got for you today. And if this hit, if you saw yourself in this, just know nothing wrong with you. You're just learning how to be you. You're just becoming more aware, and that's how you start to do it differently. And if you see every opportunity in your life as an opportunity for education, for awareness. It just gives you more power and choice, and it helps you become more present, and it helps you become that compassionate support and witness and safe, strong space for your kids and yourself, which you both deserve. I love you, Mama, you're the best, and I'm really thankful for you to be here today listening to momplex. If you have any questions, if you want to learn more about polyvagal theory, I highly recommend you go research. Peter Levine, he is the expert on all of this, and I just think what he is sharing is probably one of the most beneficial pieces of self education that we can have for ourselves. And once you dive into it and start reading about it, you will probably have somebody explaining it better to you than I did today, but you'll be able to really understand why you are the way you are, and it's going to help you love yourself more, and it's going to help you appreciate life with you and your kid. It's only going to give back to you. It's not going to take anything away from you. It's only going to give back. It's going to the best ROIs I've experienced. So I'm really excited to share this with you today, and I'd love to hear your thoughts and your comments. Let me know if you have any feedback, any past parts that keep coming up and running the show and let me know what feels best for your nervous system. How you can show your nervous system that you're safe, if it's through music or swimming or walking or nature or grounding or deep breathing or meditating, singing, humming, all of those things help regulate your nervous system and they show your nervous system not tell they show your nervous system that you're safe. You are safe. You're amazing. You've got this mom, you're the best. Yeah.