307: 5 Mindset Shifts Every Overwhelmed Mama Needs (Especially Right Now)

Scottie Durrett  0:11  
Hey there, Mama and welcome back to momplex. It's May. When you are listening to this episode, it's going to be the end of May, but when it's May, that means that it's mental health awareness month. It's also Mother's Day. If you have been with me for a bit or heard me rant about Mother's Day, you know that I think it's a hallmark crock of shit. I don't think we as moms or anyone needs to wait for a specific day determined by somebody else as that is the moment when we're going to get the support and feel special that how we want to feel. I also don't believe mental health awareness, Black History Month, breast cancer month, and so many other important areas to focus on should only be a designated feature. Yes, it is so good for us to have a whole month specifically dedicated and bringing awareness to that specific topic. There's so much opportunity for involvement, education, curiosity, connection, but shouldn't we aim every single day that we're focusing, considering and loving all of these things? It's like the universe said, let's shine a spotlight on everything that we as moms hold together with a couple of glue guns, a cross body bag, a bottle of water and some dry shampoo. I mean, am I right? But let me ask you this, why are we cramming all of this into May? Not to mention that may is hands down, one of the busiest months of the year when it comes to your kids schedule, you've got the end of the school performances, you've got finals, you've got exams, you've got every single day has a practice, you've got preparation for the end of the year performance. Oh my gosh, it is so much your mental health and your motherhood and your family. They deserve more than a social media post or scented candle, or sleeping in for 20 minutes or a mani pedi. We deserve attention every single day, our mental health, our mindset, our spirituality, our uniqueness, our energy. It deserves attention every single day, because being a mom isn't just a role. It's a whole identity shift. It's emotional, it's exhausting, it's holy cannoli, it's hilarious, and it doesn't get easier or less than when they become different ages. It is constant, and your mental health is the foundation of holding this whole thing up, right? If we don't have the mental health, than this motherhood thing that we're building. It's just a house of cards. So today I want to give you five really great, fresh, powerful mindset shifts that will change the way you walk through life, and it will mean that you don't have to wait for a specific month or a specific date on the calendar before you feel your best. And at the same time, you get to show your kids what it looks like to love and take care of yourself from the inside out, 365 days out of the year, because how we do life as moms becomes the blueprint for how our kids will do life. So let's get into it. Number one, let your kids see you breathe real deep, like you just exhaled a full day's worth of just incredible heaviness and everything that you've been carrying. Don't just tell them how to calm down. Show them what your self and your central nervous say, system and emotional health regulation looks like in the car. Are you at dinner when everything's a mess and you want to scream? Pause, put your right hand on your heart. Put your left hand on your right hand, and I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose, exhale through your mouth. And I want you to say to your kids, Mama, needs a minute, and it is okay to need a minute. It is okay to take a deep breath, let it all out and let yourself return to you. You're not being dramatic, you're not being emotional, and you're not being sensitive, you're not having a weakness moment. You're being emotionally intelligent. You're being a badass. That's leadership, that's legacy, that's the kind of shit that they are not writing in the baby books, but that we owe it to our kids, and when you show this to your kids, they can use this deep breathing exercise before walking into an exam, or before they walk on the field, or before they walk into a new school. When we take time to intentionally breathe, it calms down our nervous system. It helps lower. Cortisol, and it gets us into an inner peace and a Zen that'll allow us to function with all of our cylinders, so that we have focus and healing and attention and ability. So no matter what we're walking into, we are ready and present and able to take it on. What a beautiful exercise to show your kids. Number two, compare only to yesterday's. You you want to know the biggest freaking energy leak. Comparison and comparison actually means fucking shit, because when you compare yourself to another mom, you are comparing apples to oranges. The only one we want to compare ourselves to is ourselves for two reasons. One, comparing your right now to someone else's different phase of life, it's not accurate. You're looking at someone's polished, highly curated Instagram highlight reel, and then you're looking at yourself in a wrinkled, white button down at a messy bun on top of your head. It doesn't compare. And when we take time to compare ourselves to our former selves, to where we have been, we then are able to see how far we've come, and then we have this beautiful moment where we can take a deep breath and practice a little gratitude and appreciation. So try this. Don't ask yourself, Am I doing enough? Am I taking care of some things for everybody else? I want you to ask, Am I doing better than yesterday? Am I listening more? Am I resting more? Am I catching my breath more often? That's the only race worth running. Plus, don't forget, look at yourself from a year ago. If she saw you and where you are right now, she would literally be like you are freaking amazing. Look at what you've done. And why is this practice good for your kids? It helps them learn that Instagram and social media that is a glossy, unrealistic version of life. It's a magazine. It's not a measurement. It's not a milestone for them to achieve, right? That's about them becoming comfortable looking in the mirror period. Compare yourself to yourself. Number three, celebrate the quirks yours and theirs your quirks. This is your personality. These are your superpowers. You were given your quirks for a reason, and the best way to live your life is to be yourself with no apologies. You want. The ultimate goal is for us to have our back like no one's ever had our back before. And it's to really practice this exercise, that if we feel good, if we like what we have on, if we embrace our quirks, then we don't have to care so much about what someone else thinks about us. We don't need permission. We don't need validation. We don't need someone to say that top looks great on you, because guess what? Bitch I already know

somebody's praise of you their compliment. That's a bonus, What a delightful extra gift. But that doesn't determine whether or not you are worthy of love. Okay? Perception is a bunch of smoke being like blown up your ass. The only ones whose opinion truly matters is yourself, because everybody else's opinions of you, it means nothing. Making your quirks work for you starts with embracing yourself, knowing yourself, getting to know yourself, accepting and loving yourself, not with a chip on your shoulder or to prove anything, but to truly embrace you, yourself and I right to know that you think that you are the bee's knees, and these are all the reasons why I was born with a huge red birthmark on my knee. At first, I didn't know that I was different until I got into elementary and middle school, and then all the kids started to make fun of me. So for a long time, I wanted to remove it, because I didn't like being made fun of and I looked really different. So my mom was really patient and wonderful. She took me from doctor to doctor and allowed me to have conversations with doctors to understand, what would it mean to remove the birthmark? What would that procedure look like? I mean, this is back in the 80s, right? And then eventually, over time, I finally came to the decision myself that I felt like the procedure would leave a bigger scar on my knee than my actual birthmark, so I personally chose not to get it removed. Now it's become a part of me. I don't even notice it anymore. That's my knee on my leg, on my body, on my skin, and that's what makes me me. It's like an identifying marker. Same with my name. Scotty is a really unique name. And, you know, growing up in the 80s, everybody had names like Elizabeth and Jennifer and Veronica, and I wanted that girly, girly name, but now, while it was a little awkward for me to get used to and embrace as I was when I was young, now it's one of those things I'm so proud of. I'm Scotty, and people don't forget my name. So today I want you to identify one unique trait that only you have, and I want you to share it with. Your kid, and I want you to ask them to do the same, show them how that they can love and embrace all parts of them, and to see that all parts of them are a beautiful puzzle that's making up their full package that's going to allow them to live their life to the fullest. It's none of it's by accident. It's all there for a reason. And you know, honestly, mental health isn't about becoming some perfectly polished Paris filter, you know, without any flaws, kind of Zen robot. We're not The Stepford Wives. It's about being at home in your Eunice. It's about high fiving your kids, obsessive love for dinosaurs, or that sock that they wear every day, it's about or they're they snort when they laugh, or the gap in between their teeth. It's about honoring your quirks and your needs, that they're there for a reason, to help you understand why you are the way that you are, and when you can embrace them, it helps you give yourself what you need. Like, do you need more alone time? Your love of late night popcorn and Diet Coke, your habit of crying during car commercials, right? Because all of that quirks are not flaws. They're clues. They point you and your kids to what you love, what you need, and who you are. That's that's the blueprint, that's what we want to show them. Number four, let's practice the I don't have to do it all as your new daily mantra. Just because you can does not mean you should, and no one is asking you to mental health begins where martyrdom ends. You were not born to burnout, so let you. Let yourself hear you. Ask for help, and let your kids see you. Ask for help. Let them hear you say, not today. Let them see what it looks like when a woman sets boundaries, without guilt, without apology and without a 10 minute explanation on why you can't we don't need a 30 minute explanation why you took a nap today. We don't need you to justify that now is not the time to run the PTA or attend that luncheon. If you say no, that's all we need to hear, just tell us the truth. What can you do? What do you want to do? Everybody else will respond to that. That's way better than any GPA or varsity letter you could give to your kids. This is generational healing. This is burnout prevention. This is shifting things massively. This is the momplex movement number five, normalize daily mental health moments. We don't brush our teeth once a year. We don't take a shower once every two months. So why are we treating mental health like a once in a while, once every may check box or only when it's time to react to it. What if we started to take care of our men? Care of our mental health just like we do taking care of our basic needs? So every day, do something that clears the noise and brings you back to you. Maybe it's two minutes of grounding in the kitchen or sitting outside in the sun, drinking water first thing, not picking up your phone and saying out loud it's going to be a good day. Maybe it's putting a post it note on your mirror, or you're driving or your steering wheel that says you're doing great. Maybe it's a morning playlist that makes you feel like you're 17 again, or makes you feel like you're the main character. Maybe it's a 62nd or five minute dance break with your kids while you're cleaning up the kitchen that makes both of you laugh. Mental health isn't a crisis response, it's a daily devotion. It's a priority. It's a foundational piece of us. And help your kids come up with their own mantras. Ask them what makes you feel super happy and peaceful? Help them learn how to fit that into their regular, ordinary day. The thing is, we have so much more power at our fingertips, and we're giving ourselves credit too. So if you want to not have to wait for Mother's Day or may before you start to feel better, you don't have to. And I want you to remember this and write it down if you want to. I want you to say this after me. Actually, I want you to repeat after me. My peace is the point. My joy is the goal, and my mental health is the mission. I want you to say that. I want you to feel it. I want you to live it and let your kids see you putting that into action. Your peace is the point, your joy is the goal, your mental health is the mission. Every all of life just filters through those three things, because the way you treat yourself becomes the way they learn how to treat themselves. So with that said, Happy Monday, Happy Mother's Day, happy mental health day, and every day in between, because around here, we don't wait for a holiday to start giving ourselves what we need. Please share this episode with your best mama friend, the one who needs to hear she doesn't have to earn rest or hide her quirks or explain why she said no. And if you want more mindset shifts like these, please go ahead and reach out to me in the DMS, or just go ahead and head to my website and you can grab some of. My meditation freebies, and you can also reach out to me for Mama support. Let's make this May the start of the most soul led, mentally nourished chapter of your life. It starts with you, Mama, you've got this I love you.