308: I’m a Bad MFer & Other Mantras I’m Giving My Kids

Scottie Durrett  0:11  
Hey, my beautiful mama, before we dive into today's episode, I just want to check on you. Has anyone asked you how you're doing today? Like really asked wherever you are, pause right now, if it's safe to do so, and I want you to put your right hand on your heart, and then I want you to put your left hand over your right hand. Close your eyes unless you're driving, duh. But I just want you to ask yourself, like, hey and say your first name. How are you What do you need today? Don't overthink it. Don't censor it. I just want you to actually pause and listen. Give yourself a moment to really listen, because that whisper you hear, that's not an imaginary voice, that's your soul, that's that in intuition, that's that your your bad ass self talking to you, and she so wants you to listen to her. So take a deep breath, create some space for you to just check in on yourself and whatever comes through, trust it and see if you can give it to yourself, because she will never steer you wrong? All right. Welcome back. Welcome to momplex. This is the space where we don't just talk about being moms. We talk about being women who still dream, who want to be the best moms ever. We want the best out of our life for ourselves and our kids, but that's sometimes really hard to do, and we sometimes feel really stuck. We sometimes yell at our kids in the car and then cry about it later. We sometimes hide in the bathroom. We sometimes want to go to bed at 830 and sometimes we toss and turn until three in the morning, but we're doing the freaking best that we can, so I want to share a little story about me. Whenever I scroll the gram. I get a ton of reels in my feed with top athletes always sharing stories about, you know, how they've overcome adversity. There was this baseball reel where they were interviewing all these major league baseball players, and they were asking, you know, how many offers did you have out of college? And they all said, None. I get all these real weather reels where they're saying like, this is how I came back from injury. This is how I handled, you know, striking out for six months straight. This is how I handled not losing the starting position, or having a ton of disappointments, or having to pivot over and over and over again. But then they always talk about how they got back up right? And I'm that mom who now then sends her kids, her athlete kids, all these reels, because it's just like, how exciting you get to hear from them, their role models, how they've handled hard as shit situations like Mookie Betts is so good at this. George Kittle is a kick ass example for this and that Virginia Tech pitcher, hands down, one of my favorite interviews of all time. If you want to hear this interview, just shoot me a DM, and I will forward you the real it is like liquid gold. But I'll send these messages to my kids, and I'm like, hey, look, they've they've done it. If they can do it, you can do it too. And in a strange way, I'm saying, like, look, you're the problem, but you're also the solution, which, if you can just let that sink in for a second, it's actually a really cool phrase. I love all the mindset stuff, because I know how important it is. I feel like it, you know, if I can share it in a reel with an awesome athlete that they love, backed by some kick ass music, my kids will probably listen to that rather than me trying to hit them over the head with mindset stuff as they're like walking out the door to school. It's all about timing. Right? Timing, timing, timing. Communication is all about timing. Real estate is all about location. I mean, who knows? I'm pretty sure my kids probably delete those reels. Maybe they move right past them, maybe they roll their eyes. Maybe they watch them, I don't know, but one day I feel like that message is really gonna land, and I believe that it's getting in there somehow. But the same way they both, all my kids know to look both ways before crossing the street, they hear me. I'm in their head. And this isn't fluff. This shit works, and how we talk to ourselves, how we think about ourselves, how we think about ourselves in the world, it makes a huge difference in how we show up and what action steps we take, and therefore, what happens in our life. It's neuroscience. This is subconscious power. It's backed by the American Medical Association. It's not just me being all woo, woo on this podcast. It's not fluffy affirmations, even though affirmations are freaking powerful. This is science, and this is how we break ruts. This is how we get unstuck. This is how we break patterns, patterns that we've created, patterns that were passed down to us. Yeah, and this is how we want to this is how we're going to raise confident, emotionally mature and emotionally intelligent humans in a world with year round sports, a CT prep it by the 10th grade, a world of constant screen time. This is how you help them when you're not with them, right? And I know we've read that stat, right, that 75 or 80% of your face time with your kid is over by the time they're 18. So let's make sure that they still hear our voice, right, that they still know that we're out there loving them. And let's put some stuff in their brains.

So let's dig in this science, this CEO, the subconscious, I believe, is the real CEO of our life. So 95% of what you think, say, feel and do is controlled by your subconscious mind. Let that sink in for a second, please. 95% of your day and life is run by the subconscious mind. You think you're running the show consciously, right, but really you are the actor reading a script that your subconscious wrote for you, probably back in 1996 maybe earlier, and that thing is still on like pen and paper notepads. Girl and I what I learned in my first life coaching certification. It was all about the power of our own internal belief system, our own internal thought. I was floored by this. This was one of those moments where maybe I had heard it and, you know, an AP psych a long time ago, but when I went through it again, it really landed, and it kind of cracked open a lot of things for me. So let me just walk you through the sequence your beliefs, right? That's your subconscious that creates your inner dialog and your inner thoughts. Those thoughts then create your feelings in the moment and the meanings that you put behind, things that you're seeing and experiencing, which will then influence what action steps you take, which then creates your habits and your lifestyle, which then produces your results and your reality, ergo your own beliefs create your reality. And I remember reading that, and I was like, This is freaking the coolest thing I've ever seen in my I've ever seen in my life. My own thoughts create my life. It's terrifying, but also wildly empowering, because it means that we're not just victims. We're not sitting in the back seat here. We're not sitting shotgun. We are driving the car of our life, right? What we think, what we believe, what we are doing unconsciously, is what is creating our life. This is science. This isn't woo woo I'm Barry wooboo. I'm a certified intuitive. I love talking to my spirit guides. I have seven gazillion crystals all over my house. My kids make fun of me all the time. I'm also an empath. But I also am in love with science, because it goes hand in hand. Science and woo, woo go hand in hand. The Universe and the Earth go hand in hand, just like our body goes hand in hand with our mind and our soul. I'm now getting certified in NLP, EFT, hypnotherapy and time techniques, because I believe, as the leaders of the world, moms, we need more than just Pinterest quotes. We need real modalities, real tools that will help us understand how we can access and use our full, beautiful brain. And then we get to teach our kids the same thing. So it's not even just we understanding why things happen, but how things work and how it can apply to our lives, how we can use it, right? Why are we seeing our Instagram feed flooded with the affirmations somebody sharing that an affirmation initially is likely understanding the power of our own positive thoughts and the words that we're saying to ourselves. So while it is fluffy and beautiful and makes you feel all cozy inside. I love it. There is real science. It is it? This is neuroplasticity. This is incredibly powerful stuff. And one of the biggest shifts I've learned is about really the foundation of change. It's not going to happen at the behavioral level. It's just not, it's just not. It's not going to happen in 21 days. It's not going to happen in 28 days. If you're not working on your subconscious at the same time, they can. The habit cannot exist if your belief does not believe in it. Okay. Change is less about what we do and more about what we believe truly, and it doesn't come with, you know, sure, willpower is conscious, but belief is subconscious, right? So change isn't going to stick. If it's just white knuckle willpower, it's it's going to come from shifting your own identity at the subconscious level, if you want to create change. Your life, you have to get under the hood. You have to go backwards. Why? Because it's the cause of your behavior. It's the store of your emotions and your beliefs about yourself. It is the foundation. It's Ground Zero, of how you see yourself in the world. Your subconscious mind is so freaking cool. I want to share some facts you might not know about. But first of all, it never sleeps. It fully runs your body and emotions. It thinks in emotions and repetition. That's very important. It takes everything personally. So if you're gossiping about another mom, your subconscious thinks you're gossiping and talking shit about yourself. Your subconscious mind cannot process negatives. So if you say, like, I don't mess up, it's hearing I mess up. And it really loves clear, direct commands, not vagueness, right? It wants to keep you safe and alive. This is why, if you've ever worked with a life coach or some sort of health coach or mindset coach, they always want to get you back like but why? What will losing 10 pounds get you okay, you you'll be able to get up off the floor a lot easier and run with your kids. Why is that important to you? What is the ripple effect that's going to have in your life? What is that going to give you? It wants to dig below the surface, and it wants you to become so specific, right? So let's go on a little journey with you know, say you want to lose 10 pounds. I want to lose 10 pounds because I want to look hot in the mirror. Love it beautiful. Let's go for that. But why? Well, because when I'm when I like the way I look, I'm more confident when I walk through the day. I love it. Let's build some confidence. Why is having confidence important to you? Because then I don't doubt myself. I make decisions quicker. I speak more authoritative. I speak more clearly. I trust myself more amazing. I love that. Why? Because I want to believe in myself. I have big goals for myself. I want to be a good example for my daughter. I want to be a good example for my kids. I want to get the most out of my life. I want to go to bed at night right laying my head on the pillow saying, I fucking did it today. I crushed today. Amazing. Why is that important to you? Because I know I'm here for a reason. I know I'm meant for more, and I'm here to literally live life to the fullest, and I don't want to have any regrets, un freaking believable. That is all from I want to lose 10 pounds, so the more specific, the better. And then your subconscious mind is like, Heck, yes, let's go. So let's say you want more success in your life this year. If you say, I want more money, great, love it. But if you're walking down the sidewalk and you find a nickel, or you even find a penny, your subconscious is like, what? Boom, nailed it. We got more money. It will not only take what you said literally, but will also find the path of least resistance, so that you are never in pain. And so finding a penny is more money than you had. So your subconscious is like, Dude, we did it. You know, goal accomplished. So if you want more than a penny, you want to be specific, you've got to be very, very clear. I am earning $100,000 this year, and the only way to be specific is to believe that you can get it, you can have it, and you deserve it, right? Same for motherhood. I want more time for me, it's too vague. I will wake up 30 minutes early every single day so that I can have time to drink my coffee journal and do some stretching. Boom, clear plan. And the reverse is too true, too if you were very vague about I, you know, no one supports me. Life is too hard. I can't lose weight. Your subconscious will start to build a life around it. We create the life we believe. Right? So if you say it enough, your subconscious literally believes this. It takes it personally, and it takes it true, and it will become your reality. If you wake up each day and think, I can't do this, if your kids walking up to the plate every at bat and thinking, I'm going to strike out your subconscious mind, and their subconscious mind will believe it, and it will support you to fulfill that belief in prophecy. Like I tell my kids, you are the problem, but you're also the solution. Can you handle that truth? Because handling that truth will set you free, and I know we talk about that all the time, but it will be the thing that finally puts you in the driver's seat and you never have to wait for external permission ever again. Here's another layer that will blow your mind. Your thoughts aren't just ideas. They are chemical messengers. When you think positively, your brain releases dopamine and serotonin. That fucking feels good. Those feel good neurotransmitters that help you feel calm, happy and grounded, right negative thoughts. They stress spiral. They trigger cortisol, your brain's stress hormone, and your brain cannot tell the difference between being chased by a bear or being late for school drop off so your. Body. When you start having these negative thoughts, your body goes into fight or flight mode, so it will shut down, digestion, it will shut down, logic, clarity and even healing. But the moment you switch to say, Yes, this is hard, but I've got this, your parasympathetic nervous system re engages. You calm down, you literally start healing from the inside out, all from your own thoughts. That's the power of your thoughts, and science confirms that in just 17 seconds, a single focused thought starts attracting more of the same frequency, more clarity, more calm, more courage. That is the energy you want to lead your life from. So if you're having a bad day and you're feeling stuck, open up your the gram and go find a freaking affirmation that speaks to you and start saying it out loud over and over and over. This is how I use it in my life, and I want to share because this is how you can do it when we understand the power of our own thoughts, then we don't have to wait to feel ready. We don't have to wait for life to change in order for us to fit into it right?

If you want to lose the weight, if you want to make more money, if you want to get more sleep or ask for help or have different results, you can do all of that. But we, we want to start shifting the blame from things outside of us, blaming our kids, blaming current events, our to do list, our schedule, or, you know, our spouse. We want to stop saying, I, you know, I have to wait till my kids are older or I don't have time, and start instead asking, How can I create more time for myself today? How can I generate more income? How can I focus on my health more today? I caught myself mid, I'm freaking stuck, and I suck at this. I was on a spiral earlier this week, and I said, Nope, look, I hear you, girl, but no, we've got this. I'm going to figure this out. And all of a sudden I started to feel lighter. It's like I dropped the guilt, and I started feeling like a badass, because I was like, I don't like the way I feel. I want to shift it. And in literally 17 seconds, I did your subconscious mind loves when you listen to it, and it loves when you communicate with it, and it loves really clear, specific direction, and it wants the best for you. It wants the best for you. So now that we understand this, I want to talk about how this has changed, how I show up each day for myself, and how I'm showing up each day for my kids. And these are five subconscious power moves I do every single day. The first thing I do is I wake up. I have a glass of water on my bedside table. I drink that, and I say out loud as I'm drinking my water, today is going to be a great day. I also, number two, I speak in the positive. I really talk to myself like I would talk to my best friend, remember, because our subconscious takes things personally. So when I'm feeling overwhelmed by looking at my to do list, I have 700 things on my to do list. Instead of saying, Gosh, I can't do this. This is just too much, I'm overwhelmed. I can't handle it. I'm going back to bed. I'm like, Girl, you've got this. What are three things you want to focus on today? Three, let's start there. You can do it. And I ask empowering questions, like, dinner is such a struggle for me. I don't like cooking, and I always want to find healthy, good foods for my kids that they will love to eat so their body is full of incredible nourish men, right? And good nutrition. But I freaking hate cooking, and so I was living my life all the time saying, I hate to cook. I'm a bad cook. And guess what happened? I never cooked for my kids. I ordered a bunch of DoorDash no blame there. It's just where I was, and I didn't want to stay there. So then I asked myself, you know what? How can I create healthy dinners for my family during the week that they will enjoy, that won't be too exhausting for me? You know what I'm doing. I'm trying out that home chef delivery service, and I did the math, it is cheaper for me to get those three meals delivered to my house than for me to go down the street in my neighborhood to the little neighborhood market and scramble together some last minute ingredients. The recipes are easy, and it's making me believe that I can feed my kids healthy foods. I love that. I stopped over explaining, this is number four, we don't need to get permission to live the life that we want to live, right? You know, if you say, if say, you get your you get invited to a party this Saturday night, and you can't go. I used to respond and say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there, but I've got this and this and this and this and this and this and this. Now I just say, hey, thanks so much for the invitation. I won't be able to make it this time. Hope you have a blast. It's just we don't need permission. To take up space and do the things that we love to do. Your subconscious loves this, by the way, I'm working through inherited beliefs, right? My mom's body, guilt, my dad's money, fear. Those aren't mine. They were given to me, but I'm working through them, and that's an everyday choice, right? Choosing to wake up every day and put positive thoughts in my brain is a beautiful way to drop inherited beliefs. And number six, visualize, spend 30 seconds a day picturing the woman that you're becoming. Your brain doesn't know it's not real. Let's build your life around it. I really believe this is where whoever came up with the fake it till you make it. They were all about mindset and visualization. So what does this mean for your kids? So my youngest son has been striking out in baseball a lot. He's leaking confidence. You can almost see it coming out of his pores. And you know one thing that his hitting coach told him, that I totally support as you're walking up to the plate. Repeat in your head, I'm a bad motherfucker. I freaking love it. And yes, the hitting coach, he's a little rough around the edges. I like him a lot. He does curse my son and I talked about that, because you get what you focus on. So is your my son's walking up to the plate. If he's focusing on building himself up, you know, supporting himself with confidence and belief and power and visualizing himself hitting that ball, he's going to increase his chances for hitting the ball, right? But if he's walking up to the plate, shoulders slumped over already saying, like, I suck at this. This this is so hard I can't hit. It's so unfair. I thought it was good. All my hard work isn't paying off. Not only will he not have a great swing, but the pitcher is going to see that. He's going to see that he's got somebody that's walking up to the plate not believing in themselves. But if, even if you're walking up to the plate and you're like, wait a second, I'm a bad motherfucker, notice how your shoulders pop back. He might even like swing that bat a little bit more, because until you believe it, you cannot achieve it. But if you believe it, you can achieve it. And if you're saying these positive affirmations in your head over and over and over, your subconscious will believe it that self talk becomes your truth, and it's happening for your kids, and where are they learning how to do this from you? So if your mental playlist is stuck on things like life is hard, nothing ever works out for me. I'm bad with money. No one likes me. We're always excluded. I can't do this. That's what your kid absorbs. We don't just pass down eye color. We pass down belief systems. We pass down habits of treat how we treat ourselves. So we want to make sure that we're strong as hell, right? So you start, you start by drinking that water and saying to yourself, today is going to be a great fucking day, and I'm a freaking badass, and visualize that version of you that you're working to become. See her. What is she doing? What is she wearing? What is she eating? What is she saying? Where's she going? Who's she hanging out with? Visualize that, because when you do that, this is what you this is becomes your focus, and what we focus on is what we get. So try these today. Number one, say one bold thing to yourself every morning, even if it feels weird. Number two, give your kid a mantra. Let them work out. Like, what do they want to create in their life? Help them out. I'm brave, I belong. I'm a leader, I'm a bad motherfucker. And catch that number that catch that inner critic. Notice when she pops up say, girl, I get it. I know why you're here. But let's reframe this thought. Let's redirect it, because our subconscious is listening, and try the 17 second rule, hold one empowering thought for 17 seconds and see what shows up. Nothing just happens. Life happens in response to our internal world. It is what directs us every single day and determines what conversations we have, how we take care of ourselves, mentally, spiritually, physically, with our health. It's how we create results in our life, 100% and if you know me, you know I'm a die hard LSU, fam, and I don't like Alabama, but I can't ignore the fact that Nick Saban is one of the best football coaches ever. He truly, truly found his path, right? And there's this YouTube speech you can find it. Go look up Nick Saban and entitled, I love this so much. He basically is telling us and his team and everybody listening, look, you wake up in the day. You wake up each day. You're entitled to nothing. Nobody owes you anything. Life doesn't owe you anything. The only way you're going to get what you want is for you to go out there and believe it, and fight for it. I freaking love it. So much that, to me, is so empowering. It doesn't mean that people don't love us and don't want the best for us, but they're not responsible for helping us get everything we want that's on us. And what a beautiful reminder and lesson for your kids. How do you earn it? You believe in yourself. First, you start talking to yourself. You practice it. You stop waiting. You give yourself the green light. You take the wheel. You give yourself permission. You model the life you want. You visualize that life, and you model it for your kids. You start talking to yourself like you are your favorite freaking person on the planet. And you believe in yourself with every single fiber of your body. And this, to me, is so incredible, because not only will that literally leap and bound your life, you will not only start achieving everything you want, but you're gonna feel so much freaking lighter and better.

This is the gorgeous golden nugget that you get to give your kid then when they're out of your house, if they're at a party in high school, if they're at the plate by themselves, if they're on the field about to kick the soccer goal, if they're riding their bike up that like massive Hill, if they're in college, if they're about to go out and, you know, get engaged, they believe it. They believe it because you taught them that so even when you're not with them, you've given them the best tools for them to make the best choices for themselves, and they will feel so empowered and so sure and so confident. So even if the world doesn't feel like it's believing in you, they are believing in themselves, and that is incredible. Where to Start wake up with that glass of water and say that positive affirmation, today is going to be a good day. Sure, not every day is good, but there is good in every day. Can you see that? All right? If this episode hit home, please share with another mom friend. Share it with your teenagers. Screenshot it. Tag me on social media. Yell it from the school. Pick out line, if you have to. This is incredible shit that can literally change your life. And you're ready, if you are ready, to really deeply rewire your thoughts, beliefs and energy, and finally, get out of your own way. Go ahead and book an EFT and subconscious rewiring session with me. Book a clarity reading with me. I've got all the information in the show notes, I have so many different tools to help you. You are the narrator of your story. Let's rewrite it. Let's go get this fucking thing. You're a badass. You.