When You’re ‘Fine’: Identifying the Sneaky Triggers of Mom Burnout

Scottie Durrett  0:06  
Scott, welcome to the momplex Podcast. I am your host. Scotty durett, my passion and purpose is to help other moms just like me rediscover their joy and step into their confidence as their kids grow up. Join me as I share my own experiences, my own mistakes and aha moments as I navigate this incredible journey of motherhood while trying not to lose my identity. If you are a modern day mama who is ready to live for herself, not just for her kids, and knows that is the best possible gift you could give, then you are in the right place. This is momplex. Hey, Mama, how are you? No, seriously, you made it through May. Can we please? Standing ovation. Pat ourselves on the back, because I don't know about you, but may felt more like the holidays, but with a vengeance, like hyper drive. I mean, in one weekend alone, we had end of the year open house, the middle school dance, the end of the season, high school baseball party and our school auction in one weekend. So yeah, when Monday rolled around this week, I was basically just running on empty, even though I am so vigilant about my water, my sleep, my supplements, and I've been taking care of myself, even to with all of that self care, I woke up basically like a hollowed out shell of myself, and all I want to do is sit on my big sofa with a Diet Coke and binge watch a crime show I'm obsessed with criminal on Netflix. From what I've gathered, this was being recorded in 2019, 2020, and then it went off the air. So I understand that covid Probably took it, but oh my goodness, so well done. That's what I want to do. So today I was like, Forget Tracy Anderson, forget the walk, forget the lemon water. I was just done, and if you've ever had one of those mornings, raise your hand. You're not alone. But here's what I want to address. Here's the kicker, when life gets like this repeatedly, because let's be real, it's not just May these types of ups and downs happen all throughout the year, and it can wear you down in ways that you don't even realize. As a mom, because we're so busy, we have so much on our plate, and we know we have to get through it. We don't have a choice. We start to then on repeat, say to ourselves, if I can just make it to the end of the week, then I'll be okay, if I can just make it through May and get to June, it'll be okay. But what happens? June hits and guess what? Your kids are home now from sun up to sun down. Now they're not in school, so you don't have time to work out or go to do your work or just catch your breath. There's non stop snack demands, and I'm so bored and zero chill time. You can't even go the bathroom alone. And then there's fights about the screen time, and now you have to make food for all the people. So then it becomes, gosh, if I can just make it to when they go to camp, or if I can just make it to our family vacay, then then I will feel better, then I can get some rest. And then what happens? You go on the vacation. You're already tired before you've even gotten back. And so then you start saying to yourself, if I can just make it back to school. So then the whole summer, we're future tripping just to feel some version of peace. But while our minds might be gripping onto the side of the cliff, white knuckling our way through, if I can just get through our bodies, our nervous system, our mental health, they're not having it, and eventually your body's gonna throw you like a big old red flag. And the truth is, you are a freaking badass, but you're also human, and I truly believe that the way we live our life, our nervous systems are in massive overdrive. 24/7 and we've barely scratched the surface throughout the day on how to get out of fight or flight, and it is going to really cost us a lot. And so today I want to talk about some of these sneaky ass triggers that sneak up on us as moms, because I want us to have some awareness. Because awareness gives us choices. It gives us power. And when you see what's going on in your everyday life, you can then choose to do something about it. And let me just emphasize that sentence right there, no matter what you have going on in your life right now, with yourself, with your kids, with your community, with your family, you always have a choice. You can choose to have awareness. You can choose to make some shifts. You can choose to stay where you are, but I always want you to understand the power that you have of your own dang choice. You. End, let me just throw out this is a red flag. PSA, from this mama to you, if you are constantly feeling triggered and low because of someone in your circle or in your kid's class or on that group text, and maybe someone in your life isn't acting the way that you want them to, and it's causing you to feel unhappy, and it's causing you to feel sad and lonely, and it's causing you to feel a lot. I want you to understand however you feel is totally valid, but that's a sign for it's time for you to turn inward, because how you're feeling isn't about them, it's about you, and I love you, and this is one of the most powerful things you can take from this episode, because that's actually good news, because that means you don't have to wait for that person to change. Person to change before you can feel the way you want to feel. You can do something about you. And so I want you to always remember I'm big into Kabbalah, and when something crappy happens, really hard they're one of the trainings they teach you is to always say pause. What a pleasure. And they're saying for you to just hit the pause button, just so we don't react. But to say, What a pleasure, because you're saying to yourself, Wow, I'm learning about myself. Because this experience in life is triggering me. That person is triggering me, this instance, is triggering me. That is educating me on me, and when we're educated on ourselves, that breeds confidence and awareness, and it can lead us to very aligned, beautiful, gorgeous, healing action. When you're here listening to me, it's never going to be fluff. There's no BS, it's just truth and tools and maybe a few F bombs, because I want you to wake up every day knowing you have a choice in this life. So these conversations they're going to give you a lot of things to think about, and if you ever want to talk further on a topic, please don't hesitate to reach out. Let's dig in to what's going on in your life. I want to help you get unstuck. I want to help you feel empowered, and I want to help you see your feelings, emotions and physical signs as information that you can use, right? So I also want us to stop waiting and thinking we need a one way ticket to our kids being grown up, or a ticket to Bali before we can feel good. We can feel good no matter what's going on in our life.

Scottie Durrett  7:16  
But if you've ever typed into Google or bitch to your friend, like, why am I so tired? What's wrong with me? Am I am I tired? Or am I just like, dead inside? If you've cried in your car for no reason at the baseball game or the Costco parking lot, or maybe just as you're doing the dishes, right, maybe you've secretly are so thrilled when your kid leaves for two week overnight summer camp. Or you actually imagine hiding out in your closet or your bedroom just so you cannot be needed for 10 minutes. These there's first there's nothing wrong with you. These are the reason why I can talk about these things is because I've done them, or I've had friends do this, or I've heard about it, right? So it's but these are signs that we've been getting through functioning through too much for too long. You can love your family and still feel like you're drowning. You can be grateful for your life and still want a break from it. You can have everything that you've thought you've wanted and still feel me like there's something more. It doesn't make you selfish, it doesn't make you ungrateful. It makes you you and your emotions and your feelings and your body. This is your beautiful blueprint that's trying to give you information to help you get on your most aligned path where you can manifest the life of your dreams. Do you want to know how to manifest? Do you want to know how people say shit into the world and it just happens to them? It's not fucking magic. It's you listening to what you truly want and need and taking everything that your heart, your mind, your soul and body is sending you as serious clues that is going to help you get to where you want to go. A few months ago, I felt like shit. I felt totally flatlined. I wasn't sobbing in bed, but I also had zero spark. I was feeling super blah. I was still, quote, doing all the things. I was getting my kids to where they needed to go. I was checking things off the to do list. I was sleeping pretty well. I was doing my meditation. I was eating really well, but inside I was cooked. My dog, Sparky, had just died unexpectedly from cancer. He was only six, and that pulled the rug out from underneath me. My father in law has been diagnosed with late stage dementia, and it's accelerating much, much faster than we ever thought. My daughter, we had a very rocky road and rough college admissions season, and we had a lot of heartbreaking rejections, and we've just had a lot of things that have been pulling our heart outside of our body, and all of this while. Was still running the foundation, running my business, raising three kids, trying to take care of myself. I was fine, right? But I wasn't fine, and there's a fine line, and I I'm overusing this word, but you know when you're fine, and you know when you're just saying I'm fine, I was surviving, but I was also not really paying attention to the signs, because I was checking all the boxes. I was getting shit done. I was producing the podcast. I was helping, you know, plan the auction. I was getting my kids to where they wanted to go. I was sleeping through the night, right? So, check, check, check, but that's how sneaky depression can be. It doesn't always come in the sobbing on the sofa, eating ice cream and sweatpants. It doesn't always come in the I can't get out of bed. Sometimes it's just in that voice that says things like, what's the point? I don't think I can do this, even when everything looks fine on paper. So I want to name some of these silent messages, these Saboteurs, so that you have more information in your back pocket after this podcast than you did an hour ago, and that way, you will have more information. You will then be able to make better choices for yourself today, and you will be able to take back control of your mental, physical and emotional health. Let's talk about these sneaky depression triggers and what you can do about it. Number one, the emotional overload. This is the sandwich Squish, right? You're raising kids. You're helping out at the school. Maybe you're helping out your aging parents. You're remembering to sign the field trip forms and text back, lol, to the group threads on WhatsApp. Maybe you are getting all the laundry done, and you are remembering all the, you know, socks that need to be washed in time for the game, and you're making sure that all the doctor's appointments are made. It's a lot. And maybe you're answering the group emails that you don't even want to be in anymore, right? It's a lot. So one of the fixes, first and foremost, start with some sunshine. We can get trapped inside our house doing all of our busy work, and we forget to go outside five minutes outside. It's like photosynthesis, right? We become very mal illuminated, and when you're depleted in sunshine, oxygen and vitamin D, it can make you feel like fucking shit, and then it makes you less capable to balance the emotional overload, right? Call that best friend, the one who you can say anything to, even if you haven't talked in six months, and say no to one thing today, right? Look on your to do list. Is there anything that you can push off from today to tomorrow and unclench your jaw? It helps a lot. Number two, low B 12, you're not lazy, you're low. That foggy, tired, can't get it together, feeling might be a deficiency, not that you're fucking things up or that you can't do this life that you want to do. So if you have a doctor, a naturopath, anybody ask for some blood work. If B 1212, is low, try supplements. Try a B 12 shot. I swear by those injections, it is a game changer. And you can if you really get on a supplement, you can get on a vitamin D supplement, and you can get on a vitamin B. 12 makes such a difference. Number three hormone hell, perimenopause, menopause. I'm looking at you. Perimenopause is like we're going through puberty again. And I don't know if you can remember that phase of your life, but it was a fucking roller coaster. So rage, sadness out of nowhere, feeling invisible in your own body, not recognizing your own body, being pissed off at your stomach, that pooch, not having energy, your joints hurting, the night sweats. You're not sleeping through the night. You don't have an appetite, you don't have low you have low libido. I mean, what the fuck it is so hard. So start tracking your cycle if you're still getting us, if you're still getting one, and start tracking your symptoms, in your mood, talk to your doctor. MIDI health is incredible. My naturopath has been incredible. You're not losing it, but your your body is changing, and it's not just going to re jigger itself back to factory settings. You actually are losing stuff that you will not get back until you figure out what it is you're low on, and you get the support from a medical professional to help you get that back. And so it doesn't have to suck this much. It doesn't. But one of the things that we have to recognize at this stage in our life, things are not just going to wake up miraculously and just be the way we want them to, only we can affect that. If you want to feel better in any area of your life, you've got to decide that you are going to do some things differently to help yourself feel better. Period number four, thyroid drama, drag it if you are dragging yourself throughout the day, if you're gaining weight in a. Explicably, if you're losing hair, if you're having mood swings for no reason, it could be your thyroid, but this is not a self diagnosable option. You need to get a full thyroid panel. Don't let your just blahness and your being okay, don't let that be the end of this conversation, right? If they're compare yourself to you, if you if your body and your mood is different from how you typically are, that doesn't mean you have to throw in the towel and accept that this is how life is. It means there might be some puzzle pieces missing that you can then go grab and put into the puzzle and make yourself whole again. Number five, poor sleep. I not getting enough sleep. Y'all, they use this in 100 years ago to

Scottie Durrett  15:53  
torture prisoners of war. If you're not getting enough sleep, you are basically torturing yourself. If you're sleeping like garbage, you're going to feel like fucking garbage. And yes, wine, caffeine, not eating enough carbs, not eating enough protein. You know, looking at that blue screen, having a TV in your room, taking drugs, edibles, Doom, scrolling. They're not helping the fix magnesium, consistent and early exercise. Stop drinking caffeine at noon, no phone after nine o'clock. Create a bedtime ritual for you. You're not a machine. If sleep is a massive chronic struggle for you, and these simple fixes are not going to do it. Please. Again, don't let that be the end of the conversation. Go seek out professional help. You need sleep to stay alive and regenerate and heal, not to mention your kids are also watching you. But how freaking good does it feel when you wake up after a good night's sleep. That should be the norm, not the anomaly number six, and I alluded to this in the poor sleep drinking. Sorry, not sorry, that nightly glass of wine might feel like a lifeline. Might feel like you've been looking forward to it all day long, but it could be draining your nervous system and mood if you're not sleeping well and if you're waking up feeling like shit. This could be one of the first things I would test and eliminate from your daily routine, and see if you feel any positive changes. Go dry for true two weeks. See what shifts. No shame here, just data, just information. Let yourself learn about your body. Number seven is loneliness. You can feel lonely even in a crowded, loud house, being needed is not the same as being known. So if you're feeling invisible, it's time to reconnect with someone who sees you, get a coffee with that soul aligned friend, text your sibling who just gets you, start a book club with the girls or the humans that you're like, we see the world the same way. Even just talking to the dog helps. But again, we have to take these signs as this is a piece of information that is being communicated to me. This is not something that you can say if I can just get through blank then this will go away. It will not number eight, chronic pain and random aches. Nothing is more depressing than when your body will not do what you want it to do. Pain wears down your mood like a toddler in the grocery store wears down your patients gentle movement, yoga music, stretching, all of it counts. But if your joints are really hurting, you might be needing some supplements to help with joint pain. Magnesium is incredible. Turmeric is incredible. Glyconic acid, I'm saying it wrong. Glycolic acid, I'm saying it wrong. I have all these supplements, but please go speak with somebody in this field. I mean, nowadays y'all, there is help on every corner of Instagram, of your neighborhood, of the internet, I mean, shit, chat, GPT, what the fuck you're going through right now, and ask them to send you some links for the right shoes, for the right support, the right supplements, the right people in your neighborhood that are specializing in this kind of stuff. I found a fascia masseuse. Fascia is a word that I've just learned about in the last 18 months, but when your fascia gets tight, holy crap. If your fascia is tight around your knees, you will believe that you have arthritis in your knees, but it could be that you just need treatment and PT around your knee. So it's good to get people's support and help. Okay, number nine, low libido and just low spark in general. When your body feels blah, your brain follows. So talk to your doctor, address your hormones, be honest about how you are feeling when I started to go through perimeter. Having sex felt like sandpaper. That's not fair. That ain't cool for me or my husband. I'm young. I'm 48 I don't want to not like sex for the next 50 years of my life. But I didn't know how to fix it, so I had to go in and have a very real and honest conversation. And I joined midi.com they've been incredibly helpful, and I've been really honest, not shameful, with my naturopath, they are helping me, and it's going to save my marriage, it's going to save my happiness, and it's going to help me feel like myself again. So I want you to pick one of these triggers that made you say, Yeah, Holy shit, that sounds like me. And then I want you to do one small thing today, call your doctor, go outside, get some sun, schedule a blood test. Say no to something on your calendar today, take a nap, cancel some plans. Yes, I said it. You don't need to overhaul your life. You just need to stop pretending you're fine when you're fried and see if there's maybe even a few small shifts you can make in your day. Remember small hinges swing big doors, right? You deserve to feel good, not just to get through the day and not to wait for that later time which may never, ever come, but actually enjoy your life. And don't forget how you learn to manage depressive triggers in your life. You will then be able to turn around and help your kid do the same, because when you take care of yourself, your kids learn how to take care of themselves, right? You go first. They're watching. If this hit home, please send it to your mom group or your sibling or your sister or your mom or your friend, or that one friend who's always saying she's fine, but you know, deep down she never really is. Tag me and tell me which trigger you're tackling. I'd love to be cheering you on my diet coke in hand. If you would like further, deeper, more personalized support. Please send me a DM and let me know what's going on with you. I would love to help you. I'm a certified health success and life coach. I'm certified in NLP and EFT and hypnotherapy. I have I'm a certified intuitive I have been working my ass off to help you create the life of your dreams. So Oh, and hit that follow button. It's, if you're listening to Apple, it's going to be the plus sign at the top. If you're listening on Spotify, I think it's a plus sign at the bottom. I don't want you to ever miss an episode of momplex. This is your space to feel good, feel seen, get all the information you need so that you can get your spark back. There's no shame, there's no sugar coating. Just real deal. Support. I love you. Hey, Mama, thank you so much for listening before you dive back into the beautiful chaos of your life, please take this with you. You're doing better than you think. You are not alone, and you do not have to do this on autopilot. If this episode helped you in any way, please share it with a mom who needs to hear it, because we grow faster when we do it together. And if you have a second, leaving a five star review helps momplex reach more mamas who need this kind of real talk and support. If you want more support and guidance or just someone in your corner, be sure to visit scottyderette.com to learn more. Get in touch with me or dive deeper into this work until next time. Mom, Trust yourself, trust your gut. You already know what to do, and you are exactly the mama your kids need. I love you. I'll see you next time you.