Soul Saving Mantra for 2026: "They Will Get it When They Get it"

scottie  0:00  
Scott, welcome to the momplex Podcast. I am your host. Scotty Durrett, my passion and purpose is to help other moms just like me rediscover their joy and step into their confidence as their kids grow up, join me as I share my own experiences, my own mistakes and aha moments as I navigate this incredible journey of motherhood while trying not to lose my identity. If you are a modern day mama who is ready to live for herself, not just for her kids, and knows

Scottie Durrett  0:34  
that is the best possible gift you could give, then you are in the right place. This is momplex. You Hey, Mama, welcome back to momplex. My name is Scotty. I'm so happy you're here if you're listening for the first time, welcome, welcome, welcome, so happy. Thank you for pressing play. Please know that momplex is a really interactive space. I am a mom just like you. We're going through this together. So if you have questions about anything, if you want to share something, if you have a specific topic you want me to cover, or you just need some support, don't hesitate to reach out. You can send me a DM. I'm literally a human breathing normal mama going through life too. I just happen to have a microphone and love talking non stop. Just know you're not alone. I'm always here. I created momplex Back in 2021 for me, I needed a place to vent, to say the stuff that was really clogging my brain, the stuff that was keeping me up at night, the stuff that I was stressing out about and really spiraling about, it was a place where I could finally admit that motherhood for me was really hard, that I love my kids so much, but I wasn't loving motherhood. That was a really scary day when I admitted that it was a safe place where I could admit things like, I'm bored, I don't want to just watch Thomas the Train and fold laundry. I am a freaking college graduate, and when my husband was in business school, I was the breadwinner. I had enough money to pay our rent like there's a whole identity in here. And so it was a space where I felt like, you know, since I was behind the mic, I could say the stuff that I was probably too afraid to admit to my own mom or to myself in the mirror. And since then this, it's really expanded into a momplex movement, a place where other moms are speaking up and asking for help, where we're starting to, you know, open up our brains and our hearts and our minds to getting proud of the questions that we have, embracing the feelings that they're there to teach us and help us and nudge us. And so this is a space where we get each other, where we are learning how to stop spiraling in guilt, and we're not micromanaging every damn thing, and we're starting to trust ourselves and maybe, just maybe, our kids don't need us to push so hard. You know, as moms, we were handed milestone checklists even before the kids are born, right when you are when you find out you're pregnant, or if you're adopting a baby, or if there's somebody caring, you know, if you have a surrogate, even from that moment on, there are milestones that we're checking right. You're measuring small. Your baby's a little large. You're right on track. Or worse, something doesn't look right from the very beginning, as you're creating this human or choosing to have this human, you are really relying on these milestones to make sure that okay, we're right on track. Everything's going to be okay. Because as a mom, there's so much unknown. We those milestones are so helpful, right? They just, I can breathe today. You know? It's like, then we get into, then you have the baby, and we get into, how many hours a night Are they sleeping? How long before you were back in your skinny jeans? When are they crawling, walking, talking, reading, writing their name and bubble letters and all of that? These are markers are positioned for you to be able to confirm, is my kid on track? Am I doing a good job? Is my kid normal? While on one side. It's incredibly helpful for a scared shitless mom. They feel like lifelines. I mean, they helped me a ton, so I knew I wasn't screwing it all up. I lived for the doctor to say to me, they're right where they should be. I could exhale like we're fine. I must be feeding them okay. They're on there. They're the right middle chart of the growth chart. But then my middle kid hit sixth grade, and suddenly there was a milestone. Like, things just seemed off. All of a sudden they weren't. It wasn't. It was bigger than, like, baby books and nap blogs, right? He had not started puberty. Right and his friend's head, so he literally was a foot shorter on the baseball sideline next to his teammates, and because of this, it started to affect his life. He started to not get as much playtime because he wasn't as tall fast and didn't have any testosterone running through his body. His confidence started to fall, and he started to feel left out. He started to feel excluded, he started to feel ashamed. I remember one time he just was crying in the passenger seat. He felt so helpless. And I did too. I felt so helpless, and for the first time, we were on the other end of that milestone. So we started beefing up the protein. We went to the doctor. I pulled out the family photos. I was asking my parents, my husband's parents, you know all about, tell me how tall was your great, great uncle. I wanted to know and like, when did you start puberty? We were trying to get a better education. Of like, when did the men in my family? When did they start puberty? But we were spiraling a little bit, and I was really doubting myself. What did I miss? How did I mess this up? How did we get so behind, and what can I do to fix it? I mean, I would literally lay in bed thinking I should have made him drink more milk. Gosh, you know, I really fucked things up. He was in sixth grade, right? Puberty is rough, but as I was laying in bed, I remember this night, I was laying in bed, it was two in the morning, and I was really thinking, Wait a second, did we really miss a mile marker? Like, Are we really that behind, or am I just measuring him against somebody else? Like, I need to get out of the world around me and get back into looking at him and him and him right? Purity. For starters, it's hard as shit. It's a really hard as shit phase. You're not only dealing with your kids' hormones all over the place, but you've officially been sleep deprived for about 10 to 12 years, and that's really going to start to catch up on you. So not only do you have to deal with your own child's basic needs, it's really important for you to prior towards prioritize your own basic needs and get some sleep because their sleep schedules are going to change. Their moods are going to change. They're going to start talking back to you. They're going to smell different. They're going to have growth spurts or not have growth spurts. They're going to have pains and go through their periods. And friendships are going to change. And none of it, none of it, is synchronized with their friends, none of it. While you can get a general idea of what to expect when your kids go through puberty, it's your kids own unique journey, right? Think about yourself. When did you get your period? When did your sister? When did her your best friend? It all happens, when it happens, and that is hard, because that means you have to wait. And waiting, as a mom, is torture. It is freaking hard. It's like waterboarding, level torture. As I know you're like me, you want to know the when you want to know the how, you want to know the have the why, because then it you'll you'll have this relief that it will all work out. We all want to feel like we belong. We all want to feel like our kids are belong and are right on track and they're not falling behind. We don't want to get left behind. We don't want our kids to get left behind. But FOMO is a huge contributor to parents rushing their kids too fast into certain things and like future tripping truly and missing out on present time, like wishing days away. And it can feel scary when your kid is the last one to grow, or they're feeling a little bit behind, or they're missing a milestone, it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. Always, always talk with your doctor, 100% the doctor that knows your kid the best. But the real truth is, your kid's journey is not supposed to look like everybody else's. It's never been done before. Your kid is brand new. Never been here before, so they're not on a train at the same pace as everybody else, and thank freaking goodness, because we're not all meant to be the same flavor of ice cream, but so even if your kid is quote off of the mile the generalized milestone map, so what? It does not really mean anything. Doesn't mean that you failed as a mom. It doesn't mean that they're going to fall behind in life, but it can consume us if we're not careful. I know I've been there, so please, please listen to this. Your kids development is not a reflection on whether or not you are doing a good job. You have to remember you're not the only person in the room. They have their own unique body, their own unique DNA, their own unique blueprint, their own unique willpower. Your kid is not a marker on the growth plates of life. They're not a test score and it's they're not a project to be perfect or to try and keep up. They're.

Scottie Durrett  10:00  
Development, it will happen when it happens. Their growth and maturity, they will get it when they get it. Yes, my kids are older now, and I've been through some of these waves, and we've, you know, been tossed around and tussled and but we've made it out right? But even if your kid isn't as old as mine, and they haven't gone through some of this, you've gone through it. You have evidence in your own life that you can pull from where you have actually gotten it. And it happened. When it happened, think about it. You've likely had your own growth curve. You didn't learn everything at the same time as your peers. You didn't get your period at same time, you didn't drive a car at the same time you didn't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a friend, at the same time you didn't fail at life because you were slower at math or got your period late or didn't know what you wanted to do at 17. So use that wisdom in your parenting. Let it reframe how you are looking at your kids development and timeline. They will get it when they get it. It's one of the most soul saving mantras I've ever adopted as a mom, I have two. It's that one, they will get it when they get it. The second one is when I wake up in the morning, I have a glass of water, and I say, today is going to be a good day. This is the antidote to your panic. This is the cure for the late night Google spirals. The reason I sleep at night instead of spiraling over when my kid will finally have his second growth spurt, it's because I'm trusting that it will happen when it needs to happen. I remember sitting in Gosh, it wasn't a mommy and me class. It was where I lived in Texas at the time when I had my daughter, and we would go to these kind of Gymboree, Gymboree, thank you. I remember sitting in a Gymboree class when my oldest was about seven months old. You know, you're in this circle on one of those colorful rainbow mattes, and you're all in a circle. Each mom is sitting behind and propping their little baby up in front of them on their lap. And I remember someone's baby girl crawled across and, like, crawled across the circle all the way to the other side of the moms really fast. And meanwhile, my daughter was like, just laying there like a potato chip, and it gave me a stomach ache. I panicked, and on the way home, I first of all called my husband, freaking out, and then I called and booked an appointment with the pediatrician because I was scared. I felt like maybe she was missing a milestone. I googled late crawlers. I lost sleep. I was choking up, My poor husband, I interrupted a meeting. I'm sure I obsessed about this for several days. You know, the usual. But guess what? She crawled the next month, and guess what? Also, she was bald for two whole years. She did not she was not born with hair, and she didn't grow hair on her head for two years. It was like Caillou, and it freaked me out. But now she's got so much hair I have to buy Drano, like once a month because she's clogging up all of her drinks. So yes, while she quote, missed a milestone or wasn't keeping up with that kid at Gymboree, she's still fine, because did she even miss a milestone? Maybe she was right on time with her milestone, not the general one found in the baby books, not the one that's happening to your next door neighbor or your best friend's kid, not the one you're reading about online, because remember all those general timelines that we're reading about in the baby books. Those books are not written about your family or your baby and now my daughter, she's fine. She's better than fine. She stands four inches taller than me. She's got hair down all the way down the middle of her back. She loves to hike with her dogs. She's riding horses. She got accepted into college, and she's sleeping through the night, and she's happy, holy crap, that that's a fucking gorgeous milestone right there, right? And all that energy I spent worrying was wasted. I don't have any regret, because I know that it was all coming from I freaking care about you. But the truth is, and here's what the science says, if you're a science person, kids develop in a range, not on a checklist, a range. Think about that like how wide a range can be. And when we think about it in a range, we can stop racing, racing against our neighbor, racing against, you know, their siblings. It's not a competition, talking, walking, reading, growing, swimming, learning how to regulate your emotions, making friends, shaving your armpits, understanding sarcasm and humor, making eye contact with an adult, hitting their stride in math, it all unfolds when they're ready. Trying to force it, it doesn't help them. It can actually slow them down, because when we're forcing. Them. It induces a stress response. When we are in a stress response, it impacts growth and healing, and it will affect our sleep. And if we're not sleeping well, there's no development happening whatsoever. So our panic, our racing, our pushing, our rushing, it doesn't help them bloom faster. It creates more resistance, and it's also an energy leak, so it's not giving us the energy that we really need in order to be patient, to let life unfold on its own time. So let's try to stop treating milestones like report cards and use and stop using other people's kids as a grading scale, right? Really, really, trying to put those blinders on and compare your kid to your kid, to your kid, and check in with them, ask them how they're doing. Don't make it about anybody else but them. And I mean, truthfully, if you really want to think about it, some babies crawl at six months. Other babies crawl at 11 months. Some kids skip crawling all together. Some kids read fluently in kindergarten. Others don't hit their groove till third grade. Some are still peeing in their bed at seven, and that's still considered the range. Some don't hit puberty until junior freaking year of high school. I have a friend who did not get her period until senior year, and yet it all works out. They all end up exactly where they're meant to end up. They all end up learning things. They all end up driving and going to school and working and adulting eventually. Oh, don't forget, if you have a boy, their prefrontal cortex does not fully form until 25 massive, massive reminder when you're focusing on how your kid is handling themselves in the adult world.

Scottie Durrett  16:54  
So here's some support to help you next time you feel yourself freaking out about them missing a milestone if you're comparing your kid to someone else's, I want you to try this instead. I want you to close your eyes if it's safe and you feel comfortable to do so and ask, is this really about them, or is this about me? Wanting to feel like I'm doing a good job? Where is this fear coming from? Why am I so inclined to rush them and then remind yourself they are going to get it when they get it. In fact, if we allow them to get it on their timeline, they're going to get it so much better. I have three kids. I took my two oldest ones to countless mommy and me swim classes, which, by the way, I cannot stand. I just I cannot stand anything about it. By the time my third kid rolled around, I decided I'm not doing it. I don't want to and it was really a selfish decision. I didn't want to pay for it. I didn't want to do it. We were at a friend's house swimming with my two older kids, who were, I want to say they were eight and six at the time. Maybe they were nine and seven, because my youngest one was three, and he had one of those puddle jumpers on so I knew he was safe when he was in the water and I was sitting on the side of the pool watching all three of my kids swim at my friend's house. All of a sudden, my youngest one, my three year old, gets out and he somehow unhooks, or he somehow pulls the puddle jumper off of his arms. I'm watching this happen. It felt like it was in like slow motion, but for some reason I couldn't move my body. And you know what happened? He just jumped in the water, and guess what? He kicked over to the side and got there safely. He literally taught himself to swim. I was flabbergasted. I didn't understand what had just happened, but then I did some reading, and it basically said, kids truly do not have the developmental capacity to learn how to successfully swim until they're at least three years old. So while the Mommy and Me classes are incredible, they're not there to teach them every skill of swimming. They're there for bonding. They're there for acclimating into water, to being in your arms, to splashing, to having fun. Sure you can put them in the water and they can learn how to turn over and float so they don't drown. I love pool safety. In order to really allow the mechanics of swimming to come through, they have to be at least three years old, and it was like when it was time for him to get it, he got it right. They'll get it when they get it. Our job as a mom is to love them, keep them safe, support them, but allow their timeline to be their timeline, trust it, even if it looks different from everyone else's even if it looks different from what you want it to look like. Let's say your kid is on the younger side of the grade, and they won't get their license until the summer after everybody else they feel behind you feel bad they're saying things to you like, gosh, Mom, why couldn't you have just had me six months older? So if you. Could fast forward their timeline and change who they are to get them to drive faster? Would you hell no, that kid is them because of their unique pace, because of the exact day that they were born. Don't rush it. Embrace that and show that to them. Explain that to them. That's how you that's that's how you swim in the magic of this time with them. Something that really can be helpful is unfollow or mute any social media accounts that make you feel like you or your kid are falling behind because you're not and neither is your kid. And just trust that their body, their brain, their soul, knows what it's doing. Think back to your own life. Like, think back on a time when you felt behind in growth, in confidence, in knowing what you wanted. What did it teach you? Like, how can you look back on that and think, yeah, that was hard during the time, but I'm so glad I went through it. You didn't miss your chance. You grew when you were ready. The more we tap into that, like our own experiences, the more we will help them embrace it for themselves. When we stop rushing our kids, they feel safe and they're given chances to learn more about who they are at their own pace. They get to understand themselves better from the inside out, when they're not being pushed too fast, right? If you want to go running in the hills with a friend of yours and she runs a seven minute mile and you run a 10 minute mile, sure, maybe you can do it on the first time, but you're probably going to pull a hammy. What if you just ran your 10 minute mile? Wouldn't you enjoy the run so much more? Wouldn't you likely get back out there and do the run again? Wouldn't it be better for your beautiful body? That's what we want to let our kids learn about themselves. So when we stop comparing them to other people, they feel accepted as who they are, and when we stop obsessing, we relax, and then we get to actually enjoy life, and we not just not just racing and future tripping. My mom, who was a high school English led teacher for decades, was once handed a reading list for freshmen that included For Whom the Bell Tolls, Hemingway's, For Whom the Bell Tolls. And she looked at that and said, Nope, this is not happening. Sure those freshmen, they have the ability to read it. They could read it, but they couldn't grasp it, not yet. She said, give it to him. Senior year. Whole different story. Now they have the depth, the life, the context, it lands. Because when you get it, you get it because when the timing is right, it's not wasted, it's transformational, it's intentional. So the next time someone's bragging that their kid made the all star team, read War and Peace in the first grade and built a solar powered hover craft for the Science Fair. Smile, nod, that's their timeline. Beautiful. Just remind yourself, my kids journey is theirs, and they will get it when they get it. And don't forget, always, always you go first mama, trust your own timeline, trust your own body, whatever you're working toward, just trust that you will get it when you get it, and when they see you, chill the fuck out. They will learn how to trust themselves, too, and they will never second guess their path, their uniqueness, their desires and their likes, and they will sleep better. That's my gift to you. I love you so much. Hey, Mama, thank you so much for listening before you dive back into the beautiful chaos of your life. Please take this with you. You're doing better than you think. You are not alone, and you do not have to do this on autopilot. If this episode helped you in any way, please share with a mom who needs to hear it, because we grow faster when we do it together. And if you have a second, leaving a five star review helps momplex reach more mamas who need this kind of real talk and support. If you want more support and guidance or just someone in your corner, be sure to visit scottyderette.com to learn more. Get in touch with me or dive deeper into this work until next time. Mom, Trust yourself, trust your gut. You already know what to do, and you are exactly the mama your kids need. I love you. I'll see you next time you.