Embracing Boredom: A Summer Guide for Parents (summer detox series part 1)

Scottie Durrett  0:06  
Scott, welcome to the momplex Podcast. I am your host. Scotty Durrett, my passion and purpose is to help other moms just like me rediscover their joy and step into their confidence as their kids grow up, join me as I share my own experiences, my own mistakes and aha moments as I navigate this incredible journey of motherhood while trying not to lose my identity. If you are a modern day mama who is ready to live for herself, not just for her kids, and knows that is the best possible gift you could give, then you are in the right place. This is momplex.

Scottie Durrett  0:41  
Hello there, Mama. Welcome back to another episode of the momplex podcast. My name is Scotty. So happy you were here.

Scottie Durrett  0:49  
All I have in my head right now is the I think it's Will Smith, Summer. Summer time.

Scottie Durrett  0:57  
I am so excited about summer I I'm just like, gleeful. My kid had to go to school today. We're wrapping up the last week of school, and I just said, Gosh, I really wish you were already on summer break. I'm so freaking excited. I'm ready for a break. I'm ready for some less structure, fewer alarms, no more damn lunch boxes for a few months. I mean, can you relate? It's like, yes, it is time the sun is out. It's getting warmer. But let's talk about the other thing that hits hard every summer day, three hits of your summer break, and your kid walks in the room for like the 43rd time, tapping on the shoulder, pulling your arm sleeve, saying, Mom, I'm so bored. And then what happens you as a mom, your whole daughter system goes into fix it mode, right? Because we can't let our kids be bored. It's day three. If they're already bored, this is going to be the longest summer. And what mom wants to battle with their kids over screen time. You just want them to go outside. Just go have fun, go chase some butterflies. But you know, it's there's a transition. Always transition from end of school into summer, and there's a massive transition from summer into school. We just have to welcome it and know that it's there, right? But one of the ways that we're going to help ourselves through that so that we can make the most out of the summer is to get curious. Why in the world, does boredom make us so freaking uncomfortable? Why do we feel like we're failing if we're not entertaining our kids every single second, we worry that they're going to get into trouble or that they're going to bug us, and we won't be able to get all of our stuff done. So I want to talk about it. I want to talk about it because boredom is not the enemy here, and it's actually, if you let it happen, it's medicine for you and your kids, and it can be beautifully healing. But I'll go first. I used to panic at the word bored, like if my kids were bored, then it meant that I wasn't being a good mom. It meant that I was going to have to battle with them, and that was going to be exhausting. I would rush in constantly with snacks and crafts and movies and plans and play dates and road trips and after school camps and camps that started at seven in the morning, even though I didn't want to have early morning alarm clocks going off, I still somehow did that because I was so afraid of us being bored. I was like the cruise director of a very chaotic summer cruise ship, honestly and deep down, it stillness made me very uncomfortable. It freaked me out, and I had an urge I needed to fill all moments I was out of my comfort zone when I was bored, and it wasn't about my kids, it was about me, because when I'm in busy mode, I feel valuable. I feel like I have purpose. I feel important and significant. When I'm not busy, I feel like I'm not being significant, right? Nothing really triggers me more than when my husband gets home from work and he's like, what'd you do today if I didn't do anything? That's embarrassing to me. I don't like saying I didn't do anything today. I stared out the window and counted how many dog poops I didn't pick up in the yard today. So being still for a long time made me feel like I was doing something wrong. And so then that I transferred that onto my kids. That meant that they couldn't also be still, because if they were still, then I was doing something wrong, and it just became a whole cycle. So we never were not busy. Sorry for the double negative, we were always busy. But the truth it's our brains and our ego. It gets addicted to being busy. Literally, it's called the novelty bias. Your brain is wired. Gosh, our brains are fascinating. Our brains are wired to seek out new new information, new stimulation, new activity. This is why we like the new shiny object. This is why we love shopping. Online, and getting that box, it's a hit of dopamine. You get it from scrolling, you get it from jumping from task to task, and it becomes very addictive. And when we remove it, like during a slow summer day, our brain panics, our ego panics, and it's called dopamine burnout. It's a real thing. We've overloaded our system so much that we have forgotten how to just be so when your kid says, I'm bored, what's really happening is their nervous system is detoxing, and that is good. It's good to give our bodies a break. It's like eating a bunch of fiber and clearing out the junk. And spiritually, if you're woo woo like me, then you know your soul can't speak when your mind is racing. You cannot manifest shit if you are super fucking bored. In fact, you connect to yourself by going into quiet by slowing down. You need stillness, for those soul whispers, for that inner clarity, those ahas, those divine downloads to come in, they can't come in if you're so freaking busy, if your taxi light says you're busy, no one's going to wave you down and say they need a ride, right your central nervous system is I feel sorry for our central nervous systems. I think that we live in a very Go, go, go, do, do, do, environment, and the majority of us are living in fight or flight, and that's become our normal setting. That's our service. That's our default system, our central nervous system. It's our body's control tower, right? It manages stress. It manages our energy and digestion and our hormones and our emotions, everything it is everything. It's like your inner plumbing. So when you're constantly busy and overstimulated and you're living in what's called the sympathetic nervous system, sympathetic dominance and control, aka fight or flight mode, then your your stress is never turned off. You are flooding yourself with cortisol, and you are turning off digestion, and that's where stress hormones flood the body. Digestion slows down so you're not getting any of the nutrients that you're eating. This is why you cannot lose weight if you're trying to creativity, dries up and sleep, you don't get good sleep. This is why, even if you sleep for nine hours, you still feel exhausted. But when you're bored, you activate the parasympathetic nervous system. This is when we are able to rest, digest, problem solve, heal and reset. That's when your body finally goes, Oh, man, that's cool. I can chill. I'm safe. That's when healing begins. That's when the kids stop melting down. That's when peace enters the room. That's when all the systems start working better. That's when your digestive improves. That's when all of a sudden, you can remember that person's name that you've been trying to remember. That's when you can come up with that solution that you've been searching for. That's when the weight starts to fall off. That's when you start to finally see improvements in your hair and skin, because you're actually absorbing and digesting the nutrients that you're eating. You let me geek out for a second. There's this concept in NLP, and getting certified in NLP right now, and it is. I just love it so much. If you want to learn about it, just send me a DM. I'd love to tell you all about anchored and all the certifications. I just think our brain is so freaking fascinating. I just so much to learn. But in NLP, there's a state called state dependent learning. It means the emotional state that you're in when you learn something gets wired with it. So if your kids only ever learn play or problem solve in a Go, go, go, busy, stressed, anxious mode, then their brain is thinking that's the only way to function. But if your kids start solving problems from a calm, unstructured, bored, parasympathetic state, then they're building emotional resilience in the call. That's huge. So then calm becomes a default setting in their life. So then calm becomes a safe place to live. It's a place where we can allow it. What's really amazing is what we learn

Scottie Durrett  9:49  
is our comfort zone. We get to define that, we get to modify that. So right now, if your default and comfort zone is Go, go. Oh, stress, stress, stress. Just have awareness of that. Have awareness, and you can do that by little tests, like, can you watch a movie with your family and not be on your phone at the same time? Those are small little measurements for you to think, like, can you do one thing and not multitask? Can you sit outside in a chair and have a cup of coffee and do nothing else. It's just good awareness. So if you would like to detox with me this summer, if you want to get less addicted to busy with me, here's how to start learning to be bored again, and what kind of benefits that's going to offer for you and your kids. Number one, let's resist the urge to entertain. When your kid comes up to you and says, Mom, I'm bored. Instead of trying to fix it and throw something at them, turn around and say, That's great. I bet your brain is cooking up something cool. Then walk away. Let them be bored. Let them feel what boredom feels like, and decide Do they like it or not, and how they want to remedy that. What's the antidote for them? Let them come up with the antidote. And when you feel bored, don't immediately. Grab the phone. Stand up from wherever you are and go outside. Sit outside. Let your thoughts be slow. Watch what bubbles up. This is literally the birthplace of creativity in the brain. You are rewiring your central nervous system when you allow stillness. And I mean, if you've been living in a brain fog for a very long time and you're just out of juice, it's likely that you're just spent and we need to build some boredom back in your day. Number two model boredom for yourself. Let them see you do nothing, and doing nothing is something important, lay in the sun, stare out the window, say out loud, I'm just giving my brain a break. This is good for me, that they will follow your lead. They will mirror you, and that's so beautiful, and it's great, because it doesn't mean you have to teach them a lesson. You're just literally showing them how. You're helping yourself feel better. And you're not just telling them to chill. You're teaching them how number three, schedule some white space in your day. Yeah, go ahead and book it. Leave a day open, no camps, no plans, no play dates, no dinner parties. Call it your central, central nervous system, reset day. That's very long. Call it your reset day. Let your family get bored. Let yourself be I'm gonna say this word, but quote, unproductive, even though being bored is productive, but by your comfort zone definition, watch what unfolds. It's so fascinating. And there's a long game in this. It's not a just while. I'm trying to help you heal your nervous system from the chaos that we just exited out of the school year, because I really want you to get the most out of summer with your family. I don't want you to wish the days away or to just put them in camps, because you don't want to deal with them telling you that they're bored. There's also a long term ROI for you. This is the long game. This is health. What happens when we practice white space and downtime and boredom? Your creativity returns, which means you fall back in love with life. You start hearing your own intuition again, which means you start trusting yourself again. Your digestion improves, your mood improves, your energy improves, your sleep will improve, and your kids will also learn how to self soothe, self start self regulate, because remember, one day they will not be living at home with you. We want to make sure that when they're on their own, they know how to self soothe and self regulate. And most importantly, you're going to show them that you don't need to earn your worth through constant doing. And even though the world is a do, do, do world, we have to balance that everything is a light and a dark, right? So if there's a lot of to do's on your to do list, that's great. Let's get those done, but let's also create space to not do everything has a ying and a yang, right? Being yourself is enough, and that is so powerful, especially for your kids in our social media soaked environment, right? When all it is is just scrolling and comparing. This is really, really important, especially for kids. I want to dive into this with teens and tweens. Right when we let our kids sit in boredom without us fixing it, it sends a very powerful subconscious message to them, you are whole without me solving this for you. It's also telling them that I trust you to figure it out, and I think you're going to figure it out great, and you don't need to be on all the time. This is how kids develop internal resilience and trust in their own inner voice. It creates them to have a very strong relationship with themselves. This is the foundation for self awareness and emotional regulation and real independence, real strength, so that no matter what life. Rose out and what challenges they face. They've got the capacity to trust themselves, and they know that deep down, you trust them too. So the next time they say, I'm bored instead of solving it, celebrate them and say, I can't wait to see what you figure out. All right, Mama, your summer soul challenge is here. Let them be bored. Let yourself be bored. Let the magic rise. Give your central nervous system a break. Try it once a day. Just notice what comes up. I would love to hear. I would love to hear what gets birthed out of this. And make sure to scroll up to the top and hit that plus button and go ahead and follow, because this is part one of a summer series to help you heal your central nervous system, because it's about choosing to take care of yourself now no matter what is going on with your life, so that you can soak up your life. Right? This episode is going to help you reframe anything with this boredom battle. Please send it to another mom who needs it too. And if you're craving more support this summer and you want to learn how to actually live this way year round. Definitely check out my website. I've got clarity, readings, intuitive coaching, breath work, support, EFT, tapping, all of that is waiting for you. You can grab the link in the show notes until next time mama breathe, be bored and remember you're not behind, you're not lazy, you're healing, and your central nervous system will thank you for it. I love you. You've got this. Hey, Mama, thank you so much for listening before you dive back into the beautiful chaos of your life. Please take this with you. You're doing better than you think. You are not alone, and you do not have to do this on autopilot. If this episode helped you in any way, please share it with a mom who needs to hear it, because we grow faster when we do it together. And if you have a second, leaving a five star review helps momplex reach more mamas who need this kind of real talk and support. If you want more support and guidance or just someone in your corner, be sure to visit scottydirt.com to learn more. Get in touch with me, or dive deeper into this work, until next time. Mom, Trust yourself, trust your gut. You already know what to do, and you are exactly the mama your kids need. I love you. I'll see you next time you.