The Power of Trying New Things as a Mom

Scottie Durrett  0:00  
Scott, welcome to the momplex Podcast. I am your host. Scotty durrette, my passion and purpose is to help other moms just like me rediscover their joy and step into their confidence as their kids grow up. Join me as I share my own experiences, my own mistakes and aha moments as I navigate this incredible journey of motherhood while trying not to lose my identity. If you are a modern day mama who is ready to live for herself, not just for her kids, and knows that is the best possible gift you could give, then you are in the right place. This is momplex. You Alex, Hey Mama, I'm so happy to be here with you. Welcome back to momplex. I love this space. I feel like I can drop my shoulders when I'm talking to you and just take a deep, nourishing, beautiful breath. And I just want to say I'm so freaking happy that you're here. If you are a loyal listener to momplex. Just thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate every time you press play, you are the absolute best. And if you're new to momplex, welcome. My name is Scotty. I'm a certified success and life coach. I'm a certified intuitive podcast host, and I'm a proud mama of three. My mission every single week, when I show up on this podcast, is not only to just make you feel less alone in this crazy journey of motherhood, but to also share things that have made a huge difference in my life, so that you can heal that burnout, and you can stop doubting yourself, and you can finally, once and for all, and the people pleasing and all the shoulds and the have tos and the musts and as a whole group of beautiful humans, us moms, we don't have to run on empty and we don't have to live on autopilot in order to give our kids everything that they deserve. Actually, when we choose to fall in love with ourselves again and start living our lives and our every single day with self, love and confidence and joy. Then we naturally and easily just exude our values, and then we're able to raise our empowered kids in a much easier way. And we also get to enjoy it, and we get to feel amazing doing it, and yes, it is possible to feel amazing living your busy life, and that is not a fantasy. It's actually your birthright. And I just want to remind you that feeling good feels good, and you deserve to feel good. And truthfully, it does start with you, and it starts with how we wake up in the morning and how we see ourselves in our life, and that's why I'm showing up here, because actually, it's starting with me, and everything that I'm learning from my own ups and downs and top CS turbies, I want to share here with you, because if I can help make your life even 1% easier or 1% better, then I'm doing my job, I have been learning the hard way, in a breakdown masquerading as a breakthrough, kind of way I'm liking to look at it. So let me ask you something. Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror and didn't recognize yourself? Or maybe you saw yourself in a picture and you're thinking, Wait, who is that? That is not me, that is not what I look like, and not from a shameful way, but almost like, oh my gosh, that's not what I expected to see staring back at me. That person doesn't feel like me. It's not judgment, it's how it's not about how you're dressed or what the number is on the scale. But do you have you ever caught yourself looking in the mirror and felt really disconnected, like you didn't recognize yourself, like all you recognize yourself to be is a walking snack dispenser, laundry folder, schedule, manager, Uber driver, and with an Amazon Prime addiction, I'm raising my hand right there thinning eyebrows and a neck knot that will refuse to leave, and it just feels like it's made a permanent spot on your neck where you can't even turn your head all the way back to look in your blind spot. I'm only saying this from my own experience, because, yes, I know you're like me. You're an ambitious, bad ass human and you've got a lot on your plate, you've got a lot of stuff you want on your plate, you've got a lot of stuff you want to get done for yourself and your kids, but you're also a human being, and we're not robots and we're not machines, even though, as incredible women, we prove that we are rather exceptional and that we can do a lot, carry a lot, withstand a lot. We have incredibly high tolerances for pain. And while that is incredibly noble and it makes us superior, it often tends to lead us to push through and to ignore how we're feeling and to first. Get how to take care of ourselves, and I say that with love, because that's how I've been. I mean, right now, I've got three kids, I'm married, I'm running a business, I'm in fucking full blown perimenopause. My body's on like mutiny. I'm gonna do a whole episode on that holy cannoli. And somehow, in the middle of all that busy, I just wrapped up a six month, six certification chapter in my life. Yes, I got six certifications in six months. And I'm going to tell you why I did this, how it inspires me and how it's going to help you. And I didn't do this because I'm a glutton for punishment, and not because I wanted more letters after my name or pieces of paper to say that I have information, because I do know a lot of shit, and I think a lot of times life gives us knowledge. But I was attracted to this and pulled to this because I really want to constantly stay vital, and I want it to feel alive again. And I'm always very fascinated with the communications that my body is sending to me. And I think our brain is fascinating. I think our body is exceptional, and I think our soul is yearning to lead the way. I always want to find tools that can help us truly align those three things, our soul, our heart and our mind, because that is true alignment. And when we have the tools to help us understand the language of our body, the language of our heart, the language of our soul, then we can lead our life with that confidence. I was talking about, that self, trust, that belief and not people please, and no when we mean No, and yes when we mean yes. And it just gives us some relief and permission to live our life our way. And the more I can learn about it, it really is fascinating for me, but then I get to turn around and share all of this with you. I saw this reel, which really resonated with me. You know, for the first half of our life, we're doing so much to prove how capable and special that we are, but at some point, that's already been proven, and we get to say, like, that's the foundation, those roots have been planted. Now I want to go explore and have a little fun, and I want to be a beginner at something again, something that could wake me the hell up and help bring me back to life, that even if I'm continuing on this hamster wheel of mom life, I have some injection of juicy glitter stuff that makes my heart flutter as well our kids, our husband, our partners, of course, we love them. They make our heart flutter. I'm not canceling one out. Both can be true. We can love our life and still want more, and still want to keep growing, expanding and learning. So let's rewind a little bit. I'm going to take you down a journey.

Scottie Durrett  7:52  
A little while ago, I was getting a very intense fascia massage, and I'll try and see if I can explain fascia. Fascia is just something that wraps around your muscle. And a lot of times when we're getting massages, we focus on our muscle health and our muscle recovery, but we also need to focus on our fascia health and flexibility, because that's really what locks things in, and it is all connected. And so you know, your right hip might cause tightness in your left quads, fascia right because it's pulling so it's really fascinating when you can get in there and understand the health and the strength and the flexibility of your fascia. I mean, I got a fascia massage, and like, this woman was in there massaging my soul, basically through my ear canal. She had her hands with gloves on inside of my freaking mouth, like trying to unlock the fascia that had just like locked in from my jaw clenching and shoulders tense, and she goes, girl, we need to quiet the thoughts in that noggin of yours, stop the teeth grinding. Give yourself some damn love, your heart chakra, your neck, your jaw, everything's locked she's like your vagus nerve is tapped out, your solar plexus is done. You need a life coach. And I started laughing out loud, because I am a life coach, but I don't life coach myself all the times. And I think that's happens a lot, right? We get so in this journey of helping everybody else that it's really easy to forget to help ourselves. And the truth of it was in that moment, I had to admit I had been carrying a lot and not doing my best practices to put things down and let things go. So it was all, you know, the mom stress, the marriage tension, the teenager mood swings, my own hormonal imbalances and land mines, business stuff, identity shifts. Yes, I'm going through another one. My health, everything, you know, all this invisible labor and clutter that we carry around as Gen X moms, you know, we're raising kids. Kids, while also holding space for our aging parents, while also learning what it feels like to age ourselves and we have a lot of expectations on us, and a lot of decades of, quote, being fine and not a lot of decades and time to recover. You know, I think one of the biggest misconceptions that we have as humans is that we'll hold stress for about a dozen years, and think that a two week summer vacation will eradicate and erase all of that or Mother's Day, or that one shower, or that one day off. It's a constant ebb and flow. Two side of the coin stress necessary beautiful for our life, but we also need to relieve that stress all the time. You know, for a long time, I have been helping everyone else weather their storms and holding on to their stuff, but my own, my own was quietly building inside of me. I was really locked down. I hadn't really been crying. I can't remember the last time I had cried and I wasn't asking for help. I was just doing it all myself, and that massage didn't just release the fascia. It really cracked me open and helped me, once again, see my own blind spots. And I love this story, because there's no shame here. There were not ever at the end. So even that woman that you're following on social media, that coach, that mentor, that inspirational human, the one that you're modeling your life after. She's also going through it. And we're also learning how to navigate New Seasons, new ages, new challenges, new everything. And, you know, I think it's really beautiful when we can say, hey, I'm doing okay, but I'm also working through some stuff. Here's how I'm doing that, and no, it's not solved. I don't have a solution for everything. I think it's really beautiful when we can say, yeah, today was hard. Yes, I need some better boundaries. Yes, I need to put some of this shit down and let some shit go. So that massage really cracked me open, and I'm once again, doing another deep dive. I dig into more, and I'm learning how to regulate a lot of the stuff I'm going through and process it on an even more deeper level. But this, like this massage, how I was feeling, it really forced me to admit that I was neglecting myself, and I had done this once before? Well, who am I kidding? Many times before, and here I was again, in a different spot on my path, but with the same old habits and patterns and beliefs coming back up again. I mean, we're funny creatures as humans, right? So you can be incredibly far along on your wellness journey, but there's still those subconscious beliefs and those old patterns that might come up, especially when we're about to elevate anytime we're growing, our triggers, our insecurities, our doubts, are going to be even more prevalent because our subconscious wants to protect us. You know, fear is a beautiful thing. It's there to keep us safe. So with all this, I guess, stuff being unearthed, I got really curious. And I, you know, I wanted to learn more about the why, what was really going on, and how could I learn how to take care of myself even better? So what did I do? I signed up for six certifications in six months, and those certifications are NLP, which is neuro linguistic programming, and this is really the language of our subconscious. It's our beliefs create our reality, because our own beliefs influence our thoughts and our feelings and how the meanings we put to things that happen in our life, which then affects what we do and how we show up in our life, which creates our results. And I just think that's so this is talking about our mindset, how we communicate, how we see the world, how we filter the world, and, you know, our own programming. I think it's fascinating. I got certified in EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. This is tapping. Tapping. In a brief summary, is just it's based in the long, long foundations of acupuncture and acupressure, and you're tapping on different meridian points on your body, and it's helping you move through stuck emotions, and it's really helping you recognize how you're feeling, why that's important, and helping you reframe it so it can help you make progress time techniques to help you release negative beliefs and to help you get through things that have been deep, deep down, that you haven't been able to address. So then there was hypnotherapy, life coaching and success coaching. The hypnotherapy is a really beautiful way for us to and time techniques are really beautiful way for us to get out of our ego and our conscious mind and get below the surface into the subconscious mind, because that's really how we're able to make change. It's on an identity level. It's on a subconscious level. So I got those six certifications, and I didn't do this so that I could have some shiny. Me letters after my name or my resume. This was really about soul. CPR, truthfully, this is about really understanding the language of my own thoughts, my own body, my own subconscious, so that I can keep elevating and growing and achieving the things I want to achieve. And at the same time, I'm learning these modalities, and then I get to share that with you, because I think our honesty with ourselves, our awareness, our willingness to step into the hard stuff, this is precisely what makes us the best mom for our kids. When we learn how to heal ourselves, then the world around us is able to heal. Our close relationships are only as healthy as we are, and our world can only heal as much as we do. And the fact that I was feeling stuck and numb so deeply just meant that I was already in motion, the numbness, the stuckness, those are signals, not failures. That's my body calling to me, saying it wanted some attention, that these were things letting me know, hey, it's time to dig deep again, because where you want to go, we need to dig deep and address these things. Otherwise, we're never going to get to where we want to go. I say it a lot, but just a friendly reminder that your body always has your back. Our body is constantly communicating with us and sending us these signals to get our attention. All of the signals have a positive intention. So feeling stuck does not mean you're failing. It means it's time to pivot. I love that. I love that, because it's such a beautiful reframe. And you know, we have all these beautiful signs coming to us all the time, these little detours and yellow lights saying you're about to go off path, and if you listen and go explore what I'm trying to tell you, boom, you can get back on path. Our body is just so wise,

Scottie Durrett  16:53  
and I love that our body is constantly communicating with us. We have a lot of external pressures happening things we can't control, right? We I mean, the indoor lighting, the constant blue lights of our screens, processed foods, electronics, you know, just the pace of life, just AI, the speed of things. Everything has just gotten so there's been a lot of change, and while things are changing in our environment, our body takes a little bit longer, right? We're still a beautiful human organism, and I don't believe that we're fully evolved yet to the level that our environment has evolved. And so we want to be mindful what makes us feel good and what doesn't make us feel good. And if you're not sure what makes you feel good or doesn't feel good, check in with your body. I mean doing check ins multiple times a day, just like, okay, how am I feeling? What's going on in my head, my shoulders, my stomach, my heart, my mind, what's going on, what's, what's my intuition trying to tell me that just helps you build up some armor and some strength and confidence to help you battle and face whatever is going on in the world around us. I know I signed up for this program. It's called anchored, and it wasn't just a class, it was a transformation. And because I don't want to coast through the next 1020, 30 years. I don't want to play small. I don't want to look back on this time and have regrets and think shit. I wish I had done that. I wish I had tried that. I wanted these tools, not just for my clients, but for myself. Because healing isn't just about changing what you do, it's about changing how you think, how you feel, who you are, and being in tune with your energy and your subconscious mind honestly, because change only happens on the subconscious level, and it also teaches you how to regulate, how to filter the world, how to communicate better, how to believe and trust and respond, especially for yourself and alignment, it's when the mind and body finally stop fighting against each other and start working together, right? So no more quitting after six weeks anymore and really sticking to things and having your full body support. These six certifications gave me the tools and the education to live that, and now I get to show you how to live that too, which is incredible. One of my biggest expanders in this world is probably not who you would expect. She's a convicted felon, but it's Martha Stewart. I mean, she's like the queen of linens and roasted chicken and lemon bars and I think tax evasion, right? I mean, this woman went to prison and came back and is now besties with Snoop Dogg and got to roast Justin Bieber. That Martha, I just she's constantly, she's staying vital, that one, and she once said, The day you're through changing is the day you're through. And that. Quote just smacked me in my soul, because as much as I love my life, in a couple of times, I can look back to these moments where I've taken a road less traveled, right? I've had a big awakening, a big time to deep dive, a big pivot. And as much as I love my life and the things that I'm doing, I'm so grateful, but I was feeling stuck, and I was doing all the quote right things, but inside, I knew that something was blocked, and my body was sending me those signals, old patterns, old stories, Old Energy and no amount of gratitude, thinking journaling was gonna unblock this stuff, because we can't always think our way out of everything, and we can't always push through trauma and history your programming that doesn't just live in your thoughts, it lives in your cells. It's in your freaking mitochondria. You cannot out think your nervous system. And so this journey put me back in the classroom of getting to know myself, getting to know how I want to show up in my life. I feel like I'm in middle school again, awkward. I feel like I'm breaking out, maybe some zits hopeful fired up, you know, for all the things. And you know, since I've been doing this work, I don't spiral like I used to. I don't carry the guilt for needing space, and I don't collapse under everyone else's energy anymore. I'm not saying this to sound perfect. I'm not saying I don't have those doubtful energies and fear and anxiety and people pleasing energy. Of course I do, excuse me, I that will never go away. Emotions and feelings will never go away what we but we become better equipped to move through those in a much faster way, so that the anxiety and the fear and the insecurity and the self doubt doesn't hinder us and doesn't hold us back. And I'm telling you this because I want you to know that the transformation is real, because now I can hold space for your healing too, because I'm walking the walk with you. And so if you are stuck in repeating patterns, let's use time techniques together and break that loop. If you're questioning every parenting move, if you're spiraling with low vibes and self doubt and you wish you had more confidence and clarity, let's tap it out together with EFT. And if you want to rewrite your beliefs about motherhood and money or your self worth. NLP and Hypno can help you rewire and get into the root cause of things. This isn't manifestation fluff. I mean, this is like deep, cellular healing. And what's so incredible, this is really, truly where the spiritual and the science intersect. And, you know, the ripple effects is when you heal your kids breathe easier, they'll sleep better. When you speak kindly to yourself, then your kids will learn self love, and when you choose your dreams and go after them, because your beliefs and subconscious are there to support you, they will subconsciously learn to believe in themselves too. I mean, that is beautiful programming right now. So let's be honest, if being a beginner at something again, doing a deep dive and really getting into the nitty gritty of stuff is terrifying to you, I understand that. I understand that it's hard to step out of our comfort zone when we're so busy and so exhausted, it's hard to even imagine finding time to add new habits or new thoughts or putting energy to anything else. Right? We can barely muster up enough energy to make the mac and cheese for dinner. But I want you to take a deep breath and think about your future self. You know? How do you want to feel in 10 years from now, five years from now, three months from now, how do you want to feel tomorrow? Just because you're a mom doesn't mean your life is over. Doesn't mean that you have to stop growing and stop searching for ways to feel better and to achieve the things you want to feel achieve. In fact, it's the opposite. The more you heal, the more your kids will have innate strength from you. And if we don't let ourselves grow and take risks and mess up and dream again, we flatline inside and we build bitterness and resentment and we start to disappear. And your kids don't deserve that. They deserve that you would be there at your best ready to help them and have the energy and the strength and the fortitude and the presence to help them in a way that they deserve to be helped, and they're counting on you to do that. And the only way that we can do that is to keep up with what our own bodies are asking us to keep up with. And that's really about taking care of yourself and doing the deep, hard work. And here's what I know about you. You can do incredibly hard things. You can do incredibly hard things. You probably could sit here. Right now and write down five things that you've done in the last 12 months that would probably shock somebody else in your life, or maybe like, if you could go back and talk to your former self and show them what you've achieved and how far you've come, they probably wouldn't believe it, but I believe it because you are a total badass, and I think you are freaking amazing, and you can do hard things. I'm scrolling on my phone right now looking for this quote from Freud, and I cannot find it, and I really wanted to read it to you, but I'm going to paraphrase it and hopefully not mess it up. But he talks about one of the greatest disservices that we give our kids is that we stop living and that we throw in the towel and that we put ourselves on the back burner. Because the truth is, I know you're just like me, like I know you want to feel alive and wake up feeling like the brain fog is gone and the self doubt is gone and the exhaustion is gone. You want to feel fully alive, right? And I know you want to have zero regrets, and I know you want to be present with your kids. So here's the tough love part. We can say I can't deep dive and take care of myself because of my kids. I can't because of my schedule. I can't do this. What will people think I have no time. But those are not truths. Those are stories. Those are limiting beliefs, and those beliefs can be rewritten. You're allowed to grow, you're allowed to want more. You're allowed to be a beginner and try new things, even now, especially now,

Scottie Durrett  26:41  
and I'm going to actually switch that I can't believe to absolutely you can. Of course you can. And the next time you catch yourself saying, I can't, I just want you to stop and notice it, and I want you to replace it with, of course I can. So here's your homework. It's the fun kind, not like what your kids had to do a couple months ago. I want you to ask yourself, What am I a beginner at right now? And if nothing comes to mind, or if you're not, don't have anything on your plate, then it's time to get curious, and it's time to take a minute every single day and quiet the noise and just let your heart and your intuition start to talk to you, because something will bubble up. Number two, I want you to do something that you don't know how to do, or something that you are not an expert at, because I want you to dance like an idiot. Run around the neighborhood like Phoebe ran in friends, try the new thing, paint like a preschooler, start the business like i What's so exciting is trying new things, and it is beautiful to not always have the answers, because that expands our life. It expands our resilience. It expands our sandbox, right? If we just keep doing the same, same things that we always do life gets boring. And I will tell you that there are a lot of people walking around very, very bored right now, and I will tell you that there are a lot of moms who are walking around very bored. And it doesn't have to be that way, like we can absolutely create space in our life to bring newness in, and we deserve that. I love it so much. I want us to have fun again and be excited about things again. Number three, let your kids see you grow. Let them witness you try new things and fail and laugh at yourself and try again and keep going. That's what teaches them resilience, and it teaches them that you're not chasing perfection, so you're not expecting perfection from them, by the way. In NLP, we learned that perfection is the lowest standard we can strive for. What we want to do is show up at our best, our own excellence, and every all we can ask ourselves every single day is to give our best with what we have available in that moment. And when I said yes to this journey, I didn't just get certified with these six incredible certifications. I got some freedom, I got some more joy, I got some more relief, I got some more confidence, I got some more knowledge. I got some more time just connecting to myself again. I got to get I got to know myself better again. And that energy that's running through my body. It's affecting every client that I'm working with, and every one of my kids and my family and every corner of my life, and that's what happens when we choose to go first and choose to take care of ourselves. So let me just ask you, what are you ready and wanting to be a beginner at? Again? What part of you is ready to rise and come back to life? Put your phone down, get out of autopilot and actually step outside and spread your arms open wide and take a deep breath and say, I am freaking ready and go take a big chunk bite out of life again, because this next year. Chapter. This can be one of the best, one of the boldest and one of the most soul aligned chapters ever. If you have questions about that, if you're ready to do that, send me a DM and send this episode to a mom who's on autopilot and needs to hear this, or book a soul reading with me. And let's unlock what's next for you. Let's really tap into your intuition, because it's the wisest thing on the planet. Your own intuition, because you're not done. You're just getting started. And I've got the tools and the support and the space to help you remember who the hell you are, and to help you go after everything you want. And I'm going to leave you with this, this wonderful quote I got from Randall Monroe, take wrong turns, talk to strangers, open unmarked doors, and if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they're doing. Do things without always knowing how they will turn out. You've got this Mama, I love you. Hey, Mama, thank you so much for listening before you dive back into the beautiful chaos of your life, please take this with you. You're doing better than you think. You are not alone, and you do not have to do this on autopilot. If this episode helped you in any way, please share it with a mom who needs to hear it, because we grow faster when we do it together, and if you have a second, leaving a five star review helps momplex reach more mamas who need this kind of real talk and support. If you want more support and guidance or just someone in your corner, be sure to visit scottydirt.com to learn more. Get in touch with me or dive deeper into this work until next time mom trust yourself. Trust your gut. You already know what to do, and you are exactly the mama your kids need. I love you. I'll see you next time you.