Traveling with Kids: How to Love & Embrace it at any stage!

Unknown Speaker  0:00  
Foreign.

Scottie Durrett  0:11  
Hey Mama, welcome back to momplex. This is the podcast where real mom transformation takes place. We drop a lot of truth bombs here. I drop a lot of F bombs here. So disclaimer, in case you have little ears listening, and this is about real life pep talks, right? Because I am a certified success and life coach, but I'm also a mom, and I understand that every single season being a mom is brand new, and we're always learning. We're always growing, and so are our kids, and it's really nice to have a place where we feel seen and heard and we're talking about the real shit that we're all dealing with. So welcome back. My name is Scotty. I'm so happy you're here, whether you are a ride or die mom Plex listener or brand new to the pod, I'm so freaking grateful that you are here. This is our special corner of the internet where we keep it honest, where we keep it fun, and where we also don't pretend to have it all together, and we're trying to just do our best. Over here, today's episode, we're going to dive into something that every single mom thinks about but doesn't always say out loud how much she dreads it, and that's traveling with kids. I love my kids. I think traveling with our kids is a whole new language. There probably needs to be a whole section in the library just how can you travel with kids and actually not need a vacay from your vacay? And how in the world do you stay intimate and have sex with your partner when your kids are in the next room, right? Because, don't forget, you're a human, you're a woman, and you are with a person that you were with before you had kids. But traveling with our kids, it's not a vacation. It is a trip. It's a full blown traveling, chaotic circus where you have extra carry ons and something gets spilled on you, and you can't you definitely left something behind. You have to go pay for it at the hotel. Is going to cost a fortune. You've got goldfish in every bag, and always, always, somebody has to go to the bathroom at the worst time, and I always forget to pack the toothbrushes, always. But here's the good news, it can still be magical and soul fulfilling if you give yourself permission and reframe a few things, right? You're not just the packer or the planner or the snack provider or the punching bag, right? Like, there's a shift in a mindset that I think we moms can take and like the meaning that you're placing on the trip and how you see yourself in the family dynamic of the trip. Like, who are you prioritizing? Because if you're not prioritizing yourself to then you're always, always going to come home needing a vacation from your vacation, and you're going to start to dread the vacations, right? The trips. So today I'm going to break it all down. We're going to talk about traveling with toddlers all the way to grown ass kids, and how to not only survive it, but to find your own calm and your joy and even that maybe steamy partner reconnection that you secretly want and need. It's very, very important. We're gonna go there today, so let's just name it. Let's start with the toddlers, right? Because I know, as a mom, when your kids get old enough for you to finally leave the freaking house and go somewhere, you just cannot wait. And then once you get on the plane with their 35 baggages. Baggage is that a word? There are 35 bags. I mean, I can't traveling with a toddler. I've never traveled with so much stuff before, and they're so flipping cute, but you need the car seat and the sippy cup and their favorite shows and the pull ups and the the lovey, oh my gosh. How many times did we go on a trip and we forgot the lovey? Oh my gosh. They're squishy and sweet and stinky and feral, all at the worst possible moments. And of course, they need to take a shit and cry and get gas as soon as the plane takes off right. But here's what helps. Here's how you can still travel with your toddler. Keep one or two routines sacred for them. Bedtime snack time, maybe you make sure that no matter what gets packed, the sacred, smelly lovey gets packed in the bag, that little dose of normal will keep them grounded and it will keep you less ragey. You've worked really hard to create that safe home environment. So bring bits of it with you, not all of it, just bring maybe one or two things that gross, blanky, that pillow they love. Go ahead and pack it. Number two, just one big thing a day, Max, the morning beach walk. That's enough. You do not need a doo doo doo doo doo itinerary for the kids. Don't just overbook, because. At a nice resort, or you're on vacation, or you're with your friends who have kids who are older, one highlight a day, and then just chill and be okay with it. It's really reframing what is the whole purpose of this trip with my family at this phase of our life, and number three, pack the damn iPad. This is not the time to win a parenting award, bring distractions, bring the backups. What gives them a mental break also gives you a mental break, and if they're watching, what do kids watch nowadays? I mean, my kids were, like, super into Scooby, Doo and Tom and Jerry and Bluey, you know, like, let them watch that, even if that means you get to sip drink your whole cup of coffee. That's not bad parenting. That's good strategy. And to be perfectly honest, no matter what you do as a mom, someone's gonna have a fucking opinion. Who fucking cares? As long as you're happy and your kids are happy, do you? Do you in order to get you time when you were traveling with toddlers, set up ahead of time that you're going to tag team with your partner. Let yourself take that solo walk with your latte, even if it's 15 minutes, and then come home and say, Honey, I've got the kids. You go do whatever you need to do so that you get your you time. Really honestly, it's about lowering the bar, and it's like expectations versus reality. Success on a trip with toddlers is everybody surviving the day and maybe getting a decent night of sleep, right? And maybe trying to take a cute family picture before someone melts down. Yes, this is a family memory, memory, but it's also a chance to practice what it's like to be together on the road. And if you've never been together on the road, how the fuck are you supposed to know how to do it? So that, in itself, is worth gold. And so remember, like, when you're when you're planning this trip with your partner, get like, what are what's the real intention of this trip? Why are we doing it? What are we hoping to get out of it? What would be if we could just do one thing a day? What would that be? Really get simplify it. That is good because you're learning how to travel with your family for the very first time, and you're still in that I do everything phase. So when you're planning, ask yourself, How can I make this on every How can I make this more enjoyable and easier on everyone, including me. So next is kids, ages five to 10. This is such a golden window, oh my gosh, this sweet spot. When they can carry their own bag, they're likely potty trained. They still think you're cool. You can bribe them with ice cream. I know, I know it's probably not appropriate that I said that, but they'll still eat the broccoli without complaining. Here's how to win at this phase. Give these kids choices. They can handle it, let them pick the museum or the souvenir. Let them get the buy in. They will feel seen and empowered and be way more present and not just dragging their feet. Blend in fun and learning. Think zoos, Park, scavenger hunts, anywhere that they can move, play and explore, versus thinking that they need to be still for a long time on a bus tour. Are there more interactive tours and bonus points? If you're burning energy, they'll sleep better. Don't make them endure endless museum bus tours and long like speeches or docents leading the tour. It's just it's too much for their capacity. Their energy is still wild. Let them have some fun, and don't over schedule. Let them take 45 minutes in the hotel bathtub, let them wear their pajamas to breakfast. That's the memory. That's the beauty of vacation, is that there are less rules, not more checklists. And you know what, if the family photo that you're taking on the beach isn't fucking perfect, that's actually what's going to make your family love it even more, right? Like, let's it's more about let your kids drive a lot of this. It's not about you just Creating an itinerary and trying to get through it. And if you need some you time early bedtime for your kids, if they ever doing that those active activities, means balcony, wine time for you. And if you want your own mom travel kit like get bring your noise canceling headphones, download your favorite episodes on Netflix. I mean, download all the momplex podcasts like create snacks just for yourself. You are allowed to also look after you. Okay? The teen phase. It's Wi Fi or die. Welcome to your new role, Uber driver meets part time life, coach, coach and therapist. That's actually interesting. That is so true. Your teenagers are going to act like they don't want you around, but deep down, they do, but they want you around in a way that they like. So you're going to have to start being an amoeba at this phase, right? How? Like take their Q. Seriously, right? If they're receiving enjoy it, and the second they're done receiving it, move on, let it go.

Scottie Durrett  10:06  
But here's how you can keep your cool and stay cool in their eyes, but also stay connected with them and still be in that mom role. Don't fight the phone. Why don't you just say, like, give me two hours of your presence, and then scroll all that you want. Teach balance. Let them know that what they want is also important to you, right? If they want to connect with their friends on SNAP, if they want to just have a mental break and scroll, that's okay and just create some balance. And then choose places with options, cities that have hikes and resorts, spots where they feel semi independent and safe, but you're still in reach. They want that autonomy. They want that freedom. They want to explore without you being on top of them. And it's a really good thing for you to let them learn how to do that, because they're still with you. So if something does go wrong, or if they have a challenge, they can come to you and work through it. Three, let them sleep. Teens have a different circadian rhythm. Their brains literally shift one to two hours later during adolescence, right? So they are on a completely different schedule. They need rest. They're still growing. They need recovery. They need gentle love, even if they grunted, you don't take their exhaustion personally. It's biology. It's not just respect. And don't rob them of that sleep. That sleep is so important. They talk about it in terms of their growth, of their hormonal balance, of how they're able to retain information. Let them sleep if you have if you're on a trip with teens and you want some you time, let them sleep till noon, and you can go book that spa appointment, guilt free, and then get them involved. Ask them what they want from the trip. When you and your partner are planning your big trip, ask them what is it that you want to get from it? What is one thing that you want to do? What are you looking forward to most? Even if they don't know, just asking tells them that you care. Now if you've got grown kids, and maybe they are out of college or in college. Think of them as like roommates who are going to steal your booze and maybe your clothes and some wine, because now you're traveling with adults that you actually raised. It's surreal, and it's honestly, I'm not quite there yet, but I've been with friends whose kids are that age, and it's pretty freaking amazing. So here's the vibe. Go for shared experiences with them, cooking classes, hikes, wine tasting, do things together, where everybody contributes to the moment. And you kind of take, uh, you're not necessarily the matriarch. You're kind of going as a team. Get curious, ask about their life, let them open up. You're not in mom mode anymore. You're in a safe space. You're in, like a watching a reality TV show, right? And ditch the group schedule. Give everyone some breathing room. Not everybody needs to do everything together all the time. Let the magic happen when it just naturally organic happens. And if somebody wants to go do their own thing, let them. That's what this whole thing is about. And if you still want some you time. You've earned this trip, you sleep in, you order room service, you get that massage. They're totally fine. They don't need you to be with them all the time. Let them learn that y'all can travel together and also be independent. The best moments are usually not the big ticket ones. They're the slow ones, the morning coffee, the random just, you know, you fall into a conversation with somebody as you're walking to the restaurant. This is what's so cool about it, because everybody's safe, everybody's together. And that's the main part, everyone is together. So now we're moving on to the spicy section. How in the world do I have sex on vacation when my kids are in the next room? We've got to talk about it, because romance is how these kids got here in the first place. And just because we're older and we're busy, we really don't want the romance to fall apart, because that is a huge key foundational piece to the piece to the success of your marriage or your partnership and the energy in the family, it is, and you know, I'll do an episode on this down the road, but when we're constantly in a people pleasing cash flow out taking care of everybody all the time, it robs us of our libido. So we want to make sure that we're on vacation, especially giving back to ourselves so that we have the juice and the energy and the interest to even want to be spicy, but it's romance on a family trip. It's absolutely possible, but it's more like we got to be quiet. And how much time do we have before they get back or quick they're brushing their teeth, and here's what works real life tested, and it's sound machine, white noise, lifesaver. Drown it all out. Take a shower together. Totally underrated, right? Plus, you'll love the way you feel. You'll feel like a freaking teenager. Oh, not. Teenager, young adult again, and you'll get clean. It's like, you know, killing two birds with one stone balcony, moments, car, makeouts, kitchen, wine, kisses, like get creative. All of it counts. It doesn't always have to be four bases. Sometimes what's first and second base can be incredibly fun and spicy and make you feel like you did when you first got together, and then trade off bedtime duties like sneak in 10 minutes for connection. It doesn't have to be wild, just something for the two of you to feel like yourselves again, and not just mom and the caregivers, right? You don't need a whole night. You just need a spark, one kiss, one touch, one shared laugh and like noticing each other like we're not just parents, we're still lovers. We're still in this together. Because you were here before the kids, you'll be here after the kids. So you really want to keep that connection alive, it's very, very important hire a freaking babysitter, go out for a date on the vacation. You don't have to be with your kids, 24/7, even if they're toddlers. Okay, here's the truth. You're not just the packer and the planner, the cruise director, the tantrum negotiator. You're a whole woman who deserves to feel good on this trip too. You deserve to rest. You deserve to laugh, to feel beautiful, to have fun, to have that solo coffee. Walk to Yes, take the cheesy family photos, to let your partner kiss your neck while you're loading the stroller, because this isn't just your kids memories. It's yours too, and no child wants a mom who's pissed off all the time and depleted because she spent the whole trip over functioning and over worrying. Plan this trip for you, invite the rest of the family along. That's the real vacation. And honestly, before you plan any trip, even if it's been the same trip that you've done every year for the last 20 years, talk with your family. Why are we taking this trip? What is this trip going to give to us? What are we hoping to get out of this trip? What is important about this trip? If there was one thing we wanted to accomplish, what is that one thing? Reconnect to the trip. Set intentions around it. Get really clear why you're planning and why you're planning it and why you want to go. That's the real vacation. Yes, it's always going to be work, but it doesn't have to be quite as draining as it has been, and that way you can really enjoy it, and you won't need a vacation from your so called vacation. If this episode was helpful and it gave you life, please send it to another mama who needs to hear it, and if you want some of my additional support to help you create your own self care tips on the road, definitely check the links in the show note. You can always leave a review here and drop your questions or what resonated most with you. And I want you to remember the best family trips. They're not the ones without the chaos. They're the ones where you feel like you again and you deserve that. I love you. I see you, and I've got you. I'm here to help now, go click one of those links in the show notes. Let's get you set up for summer and go make some memories. Love you, Mom. You