The Mom’s Guide to Reclaiming Joy in Motherhood with Whitney Baker

Scottie Durrett  0:00  
Scott, welcome to the momplex Podcast. I am your host. Scottie durett, my passion and purpose is to help other moms just like me rediscover their joy and step into their confidence as their kids grow up, join me as I share my own experiences, my own mistakes and aha moments as I navigate this incredible journey of motherhood while trying not to lose my identity. If you are a modern day mama who is ready to live for herself, not just for her kids, and knows that is the best possible gift you could give, then you are in the right place. This is momplex.

Scottie Durrett  0:41  
Hey, my beautiful mama, welcome back to momplex. I'm so happy you're here, but I have a question for you, when was the last time you actually felt lit up from the inside, not just checking the boxes, folding the laundry, racing to get everything done for everybody else? But where you felt like, oh my gosh, I felt really good. Today. I had fun. Today. I feel like so many of us are living on autopilot. We walk around carrying this incredibly heavy, invisible load. We feel this incredible pressure coming at us from all sides, and that's exhausting, and it can really kind of dim that light inside of us, like really put out that spark that we all have. And so today I'm so excited, if you were relating to that. This is why I had to bring today's guest on momplex, Whitney Baker. She's the founder of electric ideas, which is an incredible movement she's going to tell you all about. She also has a top, top, top podcast, which you need. I'm going to put the link in the show notes so you can go click on that and subscribe, because every single week, she is dropping incredible stuff to help you get that spark reignited and help you live your best life. And I'm just excited because we're going to dig into how it's easy and normal to sleep walk through life and sleep walk through motherhood. But we don't need to do that anymore, right? That that's we're leaving that whole mindset in the rear view mirror. So, Whitney, I'm so glad you're here. Please introduce yourself. Tell us about your mission. I really want to know what is a self connection coach. I want to get into the nitty gritty of why you're doing it, why you're here, and just we're going to share everything, all the goodness for my mom. So welcome.

Whitney Baker  2:16  
Thank you, Scottie, oh my gosh. I appreciate that introduction. It got me very juiced up because I'm like, Oh my gosh, all my favorite topics, yay. I started electric ideas because I feel like, fundamentally, moms have this false bag of goods that they think, if they actually take care of their own needs and desires, that it's a selfish act, and so we put ourselves on the back burner. We run on autopilot. And I think if we make that fundamental shift, that actually when we feel good, when we feel lit up and excited in our own lives, that it has a ripple effect, that it's actually a generous act to put ourselves in that space. I like that. Yep, it is revolutionary in how you approach your day to day life. So I'm dedicated to helping women, particularly moms, feel kind of lit up from the inside out, but also kind of like you, like, really rolling up our sleeves and share thinking about it from just a perspective. But also like, Okay, how does this actually fit into the real messy middle of motherhood, too? Like, how do we do this?

Scottie Durrett  3:25  
I really love your reframe. This is a generous act, right? It really does switch the point of view for a mom who's sitting here with those choices, right? We can talk about this today, right? I could do another load of laundry, answer all those emails and check five things off my to do list that's great, or I could go for a walk outside, get some fresh air and take care of myself, right? And I think a lot of times, there's this belief that we have to do for everyone else, and that's the only way we're going to be a good mom. And I love your reframe. Actually taking care of ourselves is going to give us more fuel and more positive vibrational energy and a mindset and a connection to life again, and then that gets brought into and spills onto our household. So I love your reframe of being. It's a generous act, you know. And so with that said, you know, I believe, and you're perfect person for this. I believe in motherhood. Ironically, because we're working so hard to take care of everybody else, we really disconnect from our own bodies and our own physical bodies, our own emotional selves, our own likes and dislikes. You know, I mean, how many times have you been at the kitchen counter and said, What do y'all want for dinner? But no, you, what do I want for dinner? I don't want any Dino nuggets. Again. I want a salad, you know. But talk to me about this disconnection and how you and your work, your self, connection. Coach, like, how important is that? Like, how important is that foundation?

Whitney Baker  4:58  
I. I think it's fundamental to feeling like yourself in your motherhood experience. So what you're talking about is is very real. I mean, I don't want to negate the reality that, like someone's got to put food on the table. There's a water hose of needs. You know, we're increasingly accessible right now, as mothers, too, we're walking around with a computer in our pocket, so we're giving, and we've got, you know, apps for sports. You know, I could keep going, and it's this perfect storm where we're just bombarded, but all we really are craving is, is wanting to, like, show up and share, like, positive energy with the people we love as moms. Fundamentally, I think that that's a lot of what happens. I promise I'm going to lay on this plane with why self connection matters. So what happens is we get so bombarded and so hooked on busyness. Okay, what's next? What's next, what's next, what's next. And, you know, I love that you tie in that body, because you can feel that in your body. Even talking about that, my shoulders kind of creep up. It's like that adrenaline that like fight or flight mode. And when we don't give ourselves pockets to just take a deep breath, reconnect, ask what we need in a day, then we are running on autopilot. We're running on resentment, and we wonder why we fall into bed with this feeling of like, what did I even do today? I sure as heck didn't show up in the way I wanted to, and it really takes us out of the power seat in our own lives.

Scottie Durrett  6:40  
I relate to this so much, because I remember laying in bed at night kind of replaying what I did during the day, and this embarrassment kind of washed over me. And just you know for a second here, I'm a well educated, fully functioning human being, right? I lived, I did a lot of things before I had kids, and then all of a sudden, these two things can be separated. This is not me, and I don't love my kids, but I would just kind of play the list of like, Wait, was my highlight of the day the hardware store? Was that the only human interaction I had? I mean, not, I guess, yeah, that's fine. Every now and then I was like, where's the where's the fun again? Where are the things that light me up? Why do they have to go away? Just because I've become a mom, and you said this, like, how important it is for us to bring our true selves into motherhood. You know? I think we get so busy and so bogged down, we start to just all kind of morph into the same being, right? It's like, Well, what did you get done today? Well, how little did you sleep last night? And we are a part of the greatest club in the world. I think it's important for us to lean on each other, but it's easy to lose yourself so quickly, and it's easy to be disappointed with that, and to feel embarrassed by that, and to feel shame. And that was a massive piece of work I had to do to kind of grieve that that wasn't enough for me, but it didn't mean I didn't love my kids. And so kind of just talking a little bit about, you know, you've got this, like, how moms are losing their spark in all this pressure, the noise of life, the expectations, I love what you said, the water hose, right? It's like we're literally drowning and everything. Why do you think this happens as a whole? Because it's not just one mom. You know, I think this is literally happening to neighborhoods of moms. And what is it that's stopping us from saying, Actually, I'm gonna brag y'all, I meditated for 10 minutes today that that was my busy that's what I filled my busy time with, instead of just being busy. But where, why do you think this happens to us, and why is it happening as a whole group?

Whitney Baker  8:55  
Yeah, well, it is universal, and feeling that sense of kind of like, shame and disconnect is so common. You're not alone, and I just feel like that. I'm so glad you brought that up. I think that we don't have honest conversations. I think that it becomes almost, I've so many things coming up. First of all, yeah, our generation with all of these commitments that are available to us, for our families, for our kids, for travel. We see everything online. There's so many options. We've almost become addicted to busy and a lot of women habituate it as this badge of honor, like, if I ask you, if I if I asked a woman what she did this afternoon, and she's like, You know what? I sat a cafe. I sat at a cafe and, like, read a book. I would think she was the most amazing woman ever. My friend and I were, like, on a walk the other night, and we walked past this, like wine bar, and there's a woman sitting there just reading a, like, classic novel with a glass of wine. And I'm like, I want to be her. Like. Why don't we talk about that? Right?

Scottie Durrett  10:01  
Yes, yes. Isn't that what we are imagining when we travel to Italy? Right? Like, I just want to go to an Italian cafe and drink coffee by myself. We can do that here,

Whitney Baker  10:12  
yes, but I think what it really taps into is the weight of expectations. Yeah, and it's societal. It's what we grew up with. They come from all over. Now they're coming all at us every day through, you know, online social media. And we have to decide what's more important, what other people think about our lives, or how we feel in our own lives. And when we make that decision, then we can start being, you know, radically responsible for our own well being.

Scottie Durrett  10:45  
I feel like that's the hardest choice, and it's the most important one, right, to finally stop worrying about what other people think, right? And that's just not applicable to moms. That's human right. But if, gosh, if I could give my kids couple of gifts. One, don't pluck your eyebrows, please. Gosh, but please. At the end of the day, the only opinion matters is your own, right. And so you know that you see all these moms working so hard to create the perfect home, but on the inside, it's like a house of cards, right? They're just holding on so tightly so that that neighbor down the street or that stranger on Instagram, and it's not her fault, I believe it's a construct of our current society, right? Like, every time you grab Instagram, myself included, I'm like, oh, shoot, I should have posted something like that. Or my hair should look like this, or, you know, gosh, my kids didn't have colored shirts on today, right? So you can start to feel yourself going down this almost like checklist of, how am I, how am I marking up against, how am I scoring against other moms out there? And I think what's hard about social media and what, you know, we have that computer in our back pocket, even though we know that it's a polished highlight reel, right, we know that it still does a number on us, right? It still gets under our skin. So how can we if there's a mom listening to this and she is tired of the FOMO, she's tired of the comparison. She's tired of trying so hard but not really loving it, right? Like, really why? She doesn't even know why what she's trying for anymore, right? What are some ways that you have found that worked for you and your clients like to help that mom kind of wake up and like, what is one thing I could do today to take that radical responsibility, or just get that connected to what I like, right? Like me, me, me, before those strangers on Instagram. What are some things you recommend? I

Whitney Baker  12:52  
want to go practical here, because I always like to give women like something to actually try. But before I dive in, I just want to say Comparison is the thief of joy is something that's always like, stuck with me. Yeah, and so when they're scrolling or reading them, just remember that. I would say, think about how you feel when you get off of a social media platform, and if you feel less than if you feel lack then I would unsubscribe for that person or pause, because that's just a way of giving your power away. You know, I'm I use social media. I use it in a very intentional way and as a force of good in my life. And I think that women need to make sure that they're conscious of that. And I just feel like that's an important thing to share. I

Scottie Durrett  13:40  
love that. Notice, do you feel less than do you feel lack? Right? Is there that ping in your stomach, like, oh, I should have, I must. I have to, Darn you, know that I love that. That's unfollow or mute, right? If you feel guilty about unfollowing, you're not quite there yet. I love unfollowing. I'm like,

Whitney Baker  13:57  
unfollow me too, me too. It's like, there. It'll, if it's meant to be, it'll float back into my 100% but anyway, went back to kind of like, okay, what do we do? I love talking about morning routines, just because we all know that the longer we go in a day, the more things that are coming in our inbox, the more mom calls that are happening, and the more our ability to kind of have that sense of control over our time gets lost. So I think that for a woman who wakes up and maybe immediately gives her power away by scrolling or just like feeling like life's happening to her, or checking her email, if she could start the day in an intentional way. I meditate because that's my jam, but I really feel like it's finding something that puts you in the energy that you want to be in. So for example, Scottie, like, if you're like. And only you can answer. That's why I it's kind of like tools, not rules, you know, but only you know. It's like Scotty, what like? What part of you do you feel like isn't being expressed right now? What feeling do you want to have in your life that you don't you're not getting right now? And then ask yourself, like, what's something I need to do, to do that like for you, it might be that you have a creative pursuit and you need to work on it for five minutes in the morning, and or you might just be deep bone exhausted, and your five minutes needs to be just to sit outside in the sun and give yourself that permission slip to sip tea and do nothing and just be truly restored before you start pouring into others,

Scottie Durrett  15:44  
there isn't a one size fits all. There's not really a magic button that everybody is looking for. But one of the benefits of having a cell phone and all this incredible you know, data at our fingertips. There are so many tips and tricks and things that we can do and try. And I love how you said it's go try them all and see which one you dislike the least, or see the one that you were like. Okay, I think I might want to do that tomorrow, because that right there is a beautiful action where you're choosing your opinion, right, like where you're trusting your intuition. I love meditating. I love breathing. I love hugging trees. I love grounding. I didn't know that a long time ago, right? I had to go out and actually try a different thing every so often. And then finally, I was like, these are the ones I'm craving. These are the ones I keep wanting to come back to. And I think for a busy mom, it's kind of taking that pressure that Rome doesn't have to be built in a day, right? Like, we can just start to chip off a little bit. But, like, what's that one thing, right? If you wake up and you want more energy in the morning, right? Like, amazing. Let's try that. So I love how you really just, it's like giving yourself permission to try and say yes to some things, no to other things. I think that's also a good practice, because you do, you look on Instagram, you're like, gosh, that woman is meditating and home making her baby food, and she did a handstand, and I'm like, Oh my God. Like, I put on deodorant today. Woo hoo.

Whitney Baker  17:15  
Yeah, it's such a it's such a balance too, because it's like, I think a lot about that balance between self compassion and self accountable. I feel like what I always try to remind myself is that move from a place of love, can I love myself into this next version of myself that is craving emergence, and I think just changing it that way. You know, we've talked about comparisonitis. We've talked about expectations. Shoulds is, like, one of my least favorite words, like, like, instead of treating yourself like you're forcing now I have to, I should, like, check your language too. Like, what do I get do for myself today? And just start. I really think that women get into this mode where they're stressed, they're overwhelmed, they're burnout, and there's a reason the mental load is real, but they just want to blow it all up. And if they just started weaving even like two to four minute practices throughout their day, that's what I wish I would have known when I had little kids. It would have saved me. That's why I'm so passionate about this. I'm like, oh, I want this for you.

Scottie Durrett  18:23  
Yeah, I completely agree with you. If it just go back in time, if I could just put my hands on my own shoulders and just say it's okay. Two minutes, right? Two minutes to breathe sit, take two minutes to sit down and eat your food. Take two minutes to one minute to look in the mirror and say, I love you. Scotty, right? Like, just, I love you. So it's like, how can you lead with love, you know, and especially us moms, think about the attention that we put into our our kids bedtime routine, that thing is dripping with love, right? We will stop at nothing with the lavender. You know, I had lavender baby wash and, you know, the swaddle blankets, you know, I just did everything under the sun so that it was the most serene nighttime routine. Then you go into my room, it looks like a disco right? When I was like, and I was shocked. I wonder how I can't fall asleep in this, you know. And now I give my own bedtime routine the same intention and love that I give to my kids doesn't take away from it. They can both exist together, right? I think that's one of the biggest things that has been a mindset change for me. Loving yourself doesn't take love away from your kids. Taking Care of Yourself actually doesn't take time away from your kids, right? It's this, you can need a break and love your kids. Those things don't actually like work against each other, and that was a big mindset shift. But it is going back to your whole mission of and your message of, like, oh my gosh, lead with love, and it doesn't have to take it can be easy. It can be simple, right? It can feel so good, you know? You think about like a mom who's sitting here listening, she might not know that we're talking to her. What are some sneaky signs that a mom is living on autopilot, right? That she might not even realize it, or she might just say, Oh, this is mom life. It's temporary. It's not that big of a deal. I'll be fine. What are some sneaky signs that she might just brush off that you've noticed. Love this question.

Whitney Baker  20:28  
One that I feel like you would like that I see is when you go to bed and you're you're tired, but wired.

Scottie Durrett  20:35  
Tired but wired. What does that mean? It's so she knows. Like, what does

Whitney Baker  20:39  
that it means you feel exhaustion, but in your just like, kind of feeling bleary, but you're just like, like, kind of still buzzing with the To Do lists or the emails or whatever, and you haven't given yourself that power pause to shut down tabs throughout your day, and then you just expect yourself to Have this bliss for blissful lavender sleep. I think another sign is that you have this you've kind of shifted into the cruise director of life for you and your family. And you're looking at dates and you're planning stuff and like, maybe we're getting some family time in, but you're spending, like, more time worrying about organizing everything, then really feeling like you're living into your experiences.

Scottie Durrett  21:30  
Great One, because that one's a sneaky one. Because if I'm organizing and creating events and making sure nothing falls through the cracks, that's love. I'm being a good mom, right? So you can almost talk yourself into it, right? Thinking that's not, that's not autopilot, that's just what a mom does, right? But I love how you like that awareness. Are you even enjoying it? Are you living it, or are you just kind of getting it done, two different ways to be I love that, because that's, I bet there's a lot of moms who are like, What are you talking

Whitney Baker  22:02  
about? Yeah, and then I feel like, too, what happens then? And I've been here too, it's, it stinks. It's an unlearning but really, when you're always like, jumping to like, what's next, what's next, it's like you're robbing yourself of that present moment and listen, it's not it is a practice, not a perfect. It's not like every day is chilling in the meadows and we're going to show up 100% calm and engaged with everyone we love. But when we are not even giving ourselves like this permission to try, then it, it, we it's really easy just to become kind of a slave to the to do's and feel like you're just checking boxes, instead of feeling empowered like you have choice in your own day to day.

Scottie Durrett  22:52  
Yeah, yeah, that agency is it's easily forgotten, right? Like, how much autonomy we have over it? Well, can we let me, I'd love for it to hear your story, right? Like, what was your tipping point? What was your moment where you finally just, kind of, you woke up to it, I guess, or just had some awareness. Tell us your story.

Whitney Baker  23:12  
Well, I was working in a job that, on paper, seemed cool. I was a great teacher for a glow, you know, kind of like had that glitzy factor. And, you know, the word creative was in my title. So as a creative person, you know, it wasn't like I was a circle in a square peg or whatever. You know, it wasn't like I was in the totally right place, wrong place. But I had my daughter. I was already a step mom and I had my daughters 14 months apart, and I went back full time to working for an agency. And I mean, I didn't know what I know now at all, and I've forgiven that version of myself. But Scottie, I kid you not, I was like setting an alarm to sleep for two minutes on the cold tile floor of the nursing room. I remember one time I, like, went out to the parking lot in this huge global company where, before I had to present and got in the backseat of my minivan and, like, just, like, closed my eyes for a few minutes. I was so afraid to be honest with the fact that, like, yeah, a lot did change after I had kids, and I, like, I was so eager to prove that I still had it all together, and I could do it all, and my life hadn't changed, and I could show up in every way that I completely drove myself into the ground. I had no boundaries. I just was in Go, go mode, just trying to keep everything afloat. And sadly, I, you know, there's not this, like one moment where I was just like, This is it, you know, and that's what I feel like is more commonly the story. It's. Like women have kids, it's crazy in those first couple of years. And then slowly, our connection to who we are outside of the roles we play, as mom, as employee, as community helper, as PTA, mom, whatever it is, start to erode. And then, you know, lo and behold, I did. I tried everything. I tried five days, four days, three days, intentional. Pause, freelance for every type of company. And then finally, after I had a little bit of breathing room, after quitting being in that like pressure cooker environment, it wasn't really, until I had a little space that I realized what a hamster wheel I'd been on. And I started giving myself permission to get back to some creative practices that I'd really completely abandoned. I started giving myself permission to volunteer, because, yeah, I love my family, but I also, like, just felt called. There's other things I wanted to do in the world. Yeah, and I slowly started rebuilding, and over the course of seven years, that turned into me becoming certified in, you know, meditation, certified as a self care coach, and, like, really, just wanting to help women who found themselves in that, like, murky, stressed, burnout mode, have a better

Scottie Durrett  26:23  
path. I'm so thankful that you have taken that hard journey, scary, unknown journey, and now it's turning into a passion and another role that we're playing, you and I, but it kind of lets us re define what our roles are and how they mean to us. And I think that you touched on it, that fear of it being different, right? Like you wake up overnight, you're a mom, but you still have this identity of badass career. You're a journalist, you're a creative director, you're doing you're making a difference in the world. There is an impact happening, right? And then we become a mom, and if, deep down, raising your kids isn't fulfilling that impact right, that we want to make in the world, right? There is that fear. I can't let any balls I can't let any balls fall, right? I can't let anybody see me as different, because I still need to be seen as the per the badass I was before I had kids, the person that can get it all done, not even that, the person that's going to get it done better than any other working mom or stay at home mom has ever done it before. But what is that fear of it actually changing? Like? Why are we holding on so tight to trying to just, it's like we're trying to keep life and then just, like, layer motherhood on top of it, versus saying, Okay, I've become a mom maybe. Like, why? Maybe the puzzle pieces need to shift a little bit. What is that fear? Because I had it too.

Whitney Baker  27:57  
Yeah. You know, for me, I can only say this like in hindsight of 2020 but I think I was a little bit egoically wrapped in the idea of who I was professionally. And I think, you know, we're talking about identity shift a lot, and this, I don't I think that what happens to a lot of women, it's very common for our however we identify in the world outside of motherhood to shift in some way. And I know for some of us to be able to go down to four days or three days, or part time or take an intentional pause, is a privilege, and I want to acknowledge that. However, because of that, because I think sometimes women are like, Well, I'm so grateful that I was able to swing it for whatever reason, to, like, pump the brakes on career, that it almost feels like they can't be honest, that all of a sudden, this huge part of how they express in the world was collapsed,

Scottie Durrett  28:56  
which is very Yeah, that's the rug being pulled out from underneath you, in a sense, right? Like it's Yeah,

Whitney Baker  29:02  
and so I think what happens is, I think a misalignment happens sometimes for women, when they have all this like energy and ways of showing up in the world from previous career experience, they don't go back to work. And that's a beautiful choice I'm all for please choose whatever works for you, and only you will know. But then I think sometimes they take some of that energy and put it all towards micromanaging their experience of motherhood instead.

Scottie Durrett  29:34  
I actually appreciate how you kind of mapped out where that energy went, because it doesn't disappear, right? Like that, your work ethic, your personality, it doesn't change that's still coming with you. It's just now being funneled into different things. And I think that's where the autopilot can kind of sneak up on us. We don't even realize, Oh my gosh, I've literally just changed my kids into my business now I'm micromanaging them with my skill set. And I'm not. I'm it's still not letting ourselves get to know. Okay, great. But who am I now? Right? What do I like now? And I love that you also shared by when you you tried everything, you tried literally everything, and it's still you finally had to keep learning and keep learning. Okay, well, this isn't working. This isn't working. Let me finally try. And now you've created the best. You've designed your life right now, which is incredible. And because of that, you've now had space for things to come back in, things that you love, things that you didn't know you loved. And I love that story because that's a really nice hope for her that's listening right if we do kind of take our hands off the wheel and trust our body to tell us this, I'm falling asleep in the backseat of my car. This is not how I want to live my life. I can make changes, and when I do that, I now sleep great, and I'm able to make an impact. And now I'm even doing new and exciting things. So I love that. It's like, if she can just hold on to that because it's hard and it's not an overnight fix, right? Sorry, there is no ozempic for you to, you know, shoot in your stomach and then all of a sudden have all the answers. But that's the beauty of it, right? We aren't we are not Stepford Wives. We are living very nuanced individual lives, and that's exactly why we are our kids moms. That's why you are the mom of your kids, and I'm the mom of my kids, because they need me, and your kids need you, and then thankfully, you and I are connected, so they get a little bit of you and me right, like it's it's incredible that way. But I appreciate the honesty, because I think there are some moms who there is this fear of if I let the world see that I can't do it all. They're gonna think badly of me. And it comes back with that, you know, outside perception, right? But how can we shift? What do I think? What matters to me? You know, how do how I feel is really the most important thing. And it goes, you know, just how am I loving myself right now, because how I love myself is going to help me love my kids. It's it's hard, it's a constant conversation, and I'm just glad we're having it, because I want moms to know that we're also we also know what you're going through, and we've been through this. This is why we are where we are right now, right and like you know, Okay, keep going, because I do want to talk about your podcast, because I feel like you have a lot of these types of conversations that crack things open, right? It kind of get these things, these juices, these thoughts churning again, that maybe a mom going through her day isn't really aware, right, that that's on her heart. Talk to us about your podcast and anything else you want to add since I interrupted you so many times,

Whitney Baker  32:46  
oh gosh, no. That's why it's a conversation. It's fun. I love it like I love it. I'm here for all of it. Well, one thing that just is like coming up for me, that you know, as we come to a close is I think a lot of moms are in this liminal, murky middle space where they close the door on a former identity that they had before kids, and it's like, maybe they don't want to go back there, but where do I go and how do I even start figuring that out? And it could be work. It might not be work. It could be something creative. It might not it could, you know, it just, I think that one practice that to just kind of like, get the ball rolling would be to think back to a time in their life, anytime could be childhood, could be 20s, could have been the year you were bright. It doesn't matter. And think about a time when you just felt like very alive in your life, like energized in your day to day. And think about what you're doing. Think about the places and the faces you were surrounded by and think about where there is dissonance between your way of being then and your way of being now and then see if you can find a way to in the smallest way possible, explore that. And I'll give you the shortest example from my life. I realized when I quit my job, I really appreciated that I worked with lots of, like, smart people, and I missed that, like, I remember going to the park, and it was like, Oh, yay. Okay, I'm taking an intentional pause, moms, I'm here with the kids. And it was like, 45 minutes of talking about what vegetables we're giving our kids for lunch, and like, I'm all for a vegetable. But I was like, What did I do? I can like, this is so banal, I'm gonna die.

Scottie Durrett  34:36  
I got this. I'm like, if I hear about another kid's poop schedule, I don't know

Whitney Baker  34:44  
anyways, I decided to join like, a serious book club. It wasn't like a book club that was with my friends. It was like at a local bookstore with like people from all walks of life. It ended up being a lot of like retired like teacher. And stuff. I was the youngest person in it, but we read some classics, and it was like, my, once a month, I went and turned that part of me that really craved that on, and I would come home and be, like, excited to tell my family about it.

Scottie Durrett  35:13  
And you're talking about one day out of 30, right, you know? And I and you got that much out of it, but you you really got clear on what I was feeling when that spark was so bright. And I remember feeling joyful, and I was having fun, and I was waking up with energy. What was I thinking about? What was I doing? I love when you said faces and places and just what was my environment, and what from that environment Am I missing now, you know, and I think for me, I love running. It's my church, it's my it's so cathartic. For me, it's my therapy. And I used to run really long distances up into the trails, and it was just the way it injected energy and pride and self connection and endorphins, nothing has ever replicated it. I can't run like I used to. But it doesn't mean I can't run, you know? It means it's just like, well, what can my body do now? And how can I get that little snippet of that feeling back into my life? Because I love the way I felt, and I loved that energy that I brought into everything else I was doing. So I just the fact it's like, here you were you were you. You put yourself in an environment which really lit you up one time a month, and it made such a difference. Like, I'm running one once or twice a week. My kids don't even know. They're not even aware they're at school,

Whitney Baker  36:39  
yes, but just, I think, really starting with what is possible, like forget the blinder, stop making excuses, stop complaining, and look at what's possible. Take it down to the tiniest nugget. I don't care if it's a two more Two Minute morning routine, to bring it back to that example, you know, begin because these self reclaiming actions compound over time, and once it becomes just part of your way of being, then you grow and you stuck, and you do a little bit more. Oh, I actually really like how I'm feeling now, okay, I want a little bit more of that. And it can be subtle.

Scottie Durrett  37:19  
It can be subtle. I love that it can be subtle, those little moments I, you know, I one thing I tell my clients a lot is just consider yourself in the choices that you're making when you're planning that vacation, when you're planning the dinner plans, when you're trying to think of, you know, where you want your holiday card. Are these things you like? You know what? What do you think about it? You know those small things, right? Kids want pizza. I don't want pizza. Let's find something we all want. Just even considering yourself in those tiny, tiny decisions, it makes a big difference, because your your heart feels that your subconscious hears that, and all you know, all of a sudden you've got your own back. And I think that was a huge lesson for me, just really like understanding that any lack I was feeling, any disconnection, any pains, any lackluster didn't matter how many compliments I got, how many followers, how many thanks I got, it was never going to fill it that only had to come for me. I was the only one that was ever going to be able to identify. This is what the lack is, this is what I'm going to try and is it working or not, right? And it just like you said, it gets you back into that agency that you have more control over how you feel, then we're kind of giving ourselves credit for right?

Whitney Baker  38:34  
It's not always the easiest thing to really like think about, but it is an inside job. And you know it's like it is an inside job. So you own it's only for you to know what's important for you to spend your time on right now, and your energy.

Scottie Durrett  38:54  
I love that it's your that's your small wake up action that a mom can take today to feel more alive, which is because that means she doesn't have to wait till her kids are older, till the season changes, or anything like that. I love that, because it's like you said it, it's simple, right? It doesn't have to be massively significant. And they do add up question for you, and I'm going to wrap up, but I do like to ask a couple of these questions. If you could put one message on a billboard that every mom could see every day, what would that message be?

Whitney Baker  39:27  
You're enough, you're done. Love it.

Scottie Durrett  39:30  
Drive by it every day. So then I write that on some sticky notes and put it on your steering wheel. Put it on your mirror, put it on, you know, yourself, at the back of your cell, but put it on, make that your screen saver, because I think it's easy for us to forget that or not even think about it. We don't even think about that. What is something that you have stopped apologizing for as a mom or now that you're here

Whitney Baker  39:56  
saying no without needing to? Have any big explanation. I might. One of my favorite things to say is that's not a fit for me that this week, but thank you for asking me, and I say it with kindness and I but yeah, I think just, I think one of the highest forms of self care is being dogged about how much capacity we have in a given season, and making sure there's not a mismatch between what we're expecting of ourselves and what we're giving of ourselves, because it's just a formula for burnout. So yeah, just remembering that you can say a very kind no or not right now, and if it's something that you want to do in the future, you can make a suggestion to make it more for you, or follow up like, I have no problem saying no.

Scottie Durrett  40:52  
I love that. And one thing that's helped me tremendously is when I say no to something that's actually somebody else's Yes, right? But if I hijack it because I'm worried, you know, I don't want to be the one that says, No, I'm actually it wasn't meant for me because I said, you know, if I just actually listen to my body, my body is trying to tell me this is not meant for us. If you let that opportunity to support the PTA pass you by, there's literally a mom who's like, oh my gosh, this is perfect for me, I cannot believe this Opportunity landed in my lap, right? So I always think, anytime I listen to myself and I say I'm My motto is, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. I don't even allow maybes in my language anymore. Maybe is really no, but I'm just trying to let everybody down softly. But I love that it's not a fit for me. But thanks so much for asking. Love it. Thank you so much. Well, I do want to just, I want you to share everybody about your podcast. We're going to put the link in the show notes, and then how can everybody find you and reach you and connect with you.

Whitney Baker  41:56  
Thank you for that invitation. Yeah, so again, my podcast is electric ideas with Whitney Baker. It's all about feeling lit up. It's very mom heavy. But there's lots of topics about self connection, holistic well being, and anything topical that I really feel is relevant to moms being able to tend to themselves and show up for themselves amidst the messy realities of their motherhood journey. Awesome. I hang out the most on Instagram. You can find me there at Whitney woman, and I love hearing from people. So if you have any questions about anything we talked about today, I'm always open to a note, and I like hearing from other women, I want to be of service. So thank you and just glad to be here.

Scottie Durrett  42:46  
Yeah, well, this has been amazing. I'm really thankful that you let us dig a little bit deeper. I think some of those just surface statements, yes, take care of yourself. You know, loving yourself is loving your kids. There's it's starting to kind of grow just cross over people's heads. They're not really internalizing what does that look and sound like for me, and hearing your story and just like what you went through and the different things you had to try to get yourself here, it's just really helpful and relatable, because you and I are real life moms, like we're really walking the walk, and I think it's important for us to be honest about how long that's taken and what we had to try, and that we kept trying. But look at us now, and I think for other moms who are maybe wanting that it just helps create it's so much closer, right? Like it's so much more available. So I just appreciate your honesty and everything you're doing. So thank you,

Whitney Baker  43:38  
my pleasure. Thank you.

Scottie Durrett  43:42  
Hey, Mama, thank you so much for listening before you dive back into the beautiful chaos of your life. Please take this with you. You're doing better than you think. You are not alone, and you do not have to do this on autopilot. If this episode helped you in any way, please share it with a mom who needs to hear it, because we grow faster when we do it together. And if you have a second, leaving a five star review helps momplex reach more mamas who need this kind of real talk and support. If you want more support and guidance or just someone in your corner, be sure to visit scottyderette.com to learn more. Get in touch with me or dive deeper into this work until next time mom, Trust yourself, trust your gut. You already know what to do, and you are exactly the mama your kids need. I love you. I'll see you next time you.