Why It’s Totally Normal to Be Sad AND Excited That School’s Out

Scottie Durrett  0:06  
Scott, welcome to the momplex Podcast. I am your host. Scotty Durrett, my passion and purpose is to help other moms just like me rediscover their joy and step into their confidence as their kids grow up, join me as I share my own experiences, my own mistakes and aha moments as I navigate this incredible journey of motherhood while trying not to lose my identity. If you are a modern day mama who is ready to live for herself, not just for her kids, and knows that is the best possible gift you could give, then you are in the right place. This is momplex. Hey, my beautiful mama. Welcome back to another episode of momflex. If you are listening and I'm talking to you through your Airpods, wherever you are, I hope you were just doing wonderfully. If you're watching this on YouTube, girl, I see you. Thank you for being here. You're getting the full force of a long day. I've got the hair up in a bun. I did throw on some lip gloss for you, though I got a little fancy through on my my amazing readers from anthropology that I get so many compliments on. Because this is it. This is where I am right now. And actually, I really wanted to talk to you about the end of the school year feels, because they are some intense feelings. First of all, real talk. How the actual fuck is it already June? It is already June. School's wrapping up the snack bin that I jam packed full of all the Costco snacks. It's empty for the first time in nine months. The calendar is straight up chaos. And I don't know about you, but my nervous system is like, Girl, hard pass we have. We are at our limit right now. We've been sprinting through May like it's some sort of race, Field Day, end of the school year events, pool parties, our grand auction took place. Final projects. My kids are in finals. Teacher gifts. I mean, it's, it is the most unbelievable thing that we get through May, May, December, the way that we do most of the time. I know a lot of moms I talk to, they've got this mantra, if I can just survive May, then I'll get to chill. Right? How often did you say if I can just make it through this week, this event, my kids in finals, if I can just get to x, then everything will be okay. Okay. Well, here you are you're in June. How are you feeling? Do you feel good? Are you ready to be here? Or are you like shit? What now? What the hell am I supposed to do with my kids for the next three months? Oh, and my kids friends who are gonna be here all the time, I see you. I am you. I understand. We've been craving this break since spring break, dreaming of the slower mornings and not having the racing to get the lunches packed, the permission slip signed, and helping them with all the things that they've got going on. And yet, here we are, and the pendulum swings for us moms between crying in the carpool line because the year is coming to an end. It's very overwhelming. But also whisper yelling at the summer schedule, like, how in the world am I going to do this? And maybe you're like me and Googling things or chat GPT things like, how much screen time is too much screen time? But also simultaneously, trying to figure out how you're going to find 20 minutes of silence in your day. In your day. So now, instead of packing lunches, if you're like me, and you've got teenagers in the house, you're now making five unique meals a day for each of your kids, very specific schedules, taste buds and metabolisms. I'm sorry. I wish I was that mom that just said, look, there's one meal. I just never been that. Mom and my kids always have friends over, and their schedules are all over the place, so it's constantly in the kitchen, cooking all that. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, right? That's what we're going to do. So I just want to welcome you, welcome you, mom, to the emotional end of the year. Holy shit, roller coaster. And it's not just about school ending, because that can feel so anti climactic, right? It feels lonely in a way, when you realize, like you're driving out of the parking lot for the last time, or your kid's in that grade for the last time, and you think, wow, there are a lot of last times happening right now. Real chapters are closing, maybe even parents you won't see again, they're gonna move on, and then you've got a process like, holy shit, they're getting older. They've grown a whole year. They're not the same kid that I dropped off here at the end of August that's now walking out of this campus with me right now. They changed. They've grown. I've changed. I've grown. And so. Season. First of all, we gotta look at it. It's just jam packed. It's physically exhausting. You have got a lot on your plate, but it's also hitting your nervous system a little bit differently. Yes, it's fast, it's chaotic, but you're also carrying a lot, caring a lot of your own feelings, carrying a lot of your kids feelings and trying to just process what is actually going on. And so you can find yourself one moment you're driving with the windows down, screaming at the top of your lungs to Aha, Take on me. The next minute, you might be kind of feeling this panic that it's over, and this like grief washes over you, and you're like, please tell me there's a Kit Kat left over from Halloween, please somewhere in my pantry. Both are fine. Both are mom life, right? It's this is a hot, beautiful mess. I mean, here's my scene. My oldest is a senior. She's about to launch into the world. She's leaving California this summer and heading to Tennessee, and I'm sitting here so proud of her and so emotional about her leaving, and I'm tearing up as I'm writing her congratulations message that's gonna be shared at graduation, but I'm also having the most fun shopping for bedding for her, and I'm also really glad that we're done with her senior year. I'm glad we're done with finals and AP exams and college applications. I'm ready for that to be over. I've got a sophomore boy who is super independent. He started driving this year, so he's got moments where he acts like he doesn't need me until like 945 10 o'clock, when I get the Hey Mama text, right? And then my youngest is, he's finishing up with sixth grade. He just told me, Mom, I was low key cooking in art class today, and I believe that means he was doing awesome. So I've got a wide range of energies in my house, and I have to adjust not only my patience and my emotional capacity, but just adjust my focus on each of them in a very different way that, in itself can be exhausting, right? And meanwhile, my mom's coming into town tomorrow night, my best friend is texting me the crying emoji on repeat. I'm trying to squeeze in a freaking date night with my husband before August, I'm still trying to stay dedicated to my own wealth and wealth, but health and wellness, and I still haven't returned this Amazon order from March or dropped off my husband's shirts that have been living in my trunk for the last three weeks. I

Scottie Durrett  7:38  
don't even want to call myself a hot mess, because I don't think that that is fair. I think that what we want to do is recognize that we carry a whole shit lot. It's not just the to do's rewrite down every single morning, right? It's we have everybody's stuff that we're holding on to, and the end of the school year hits differently, because it's a big emotional upheaval for everyone in the house, right? So while you as the mom are processing your kid graduating from kindergarten or finishing up, or, you know, riding their bike home for the very first time on the last day of school, or wanting to be with their friends rather than come home, or you're getting your kid ready for college, they're dealing with those fields. So is your partner. So the house is electrified, and it's a lot, it's a lot, and everybody looks to the mom for how do I manage this? How do we process this? How do we get through this? And I don't know if your house is like mine, but if I ever come up with a I'm not feeling well, or I'm a little bit off my schedule, or I need some time to just recover. Everybody's kind of, you know, they respond to that just almost uncomfortable. How can you how can you need time off? It's habit forming. We just got to get everybody on board with that. Doesn't mean they can't handle it. They're just not used to it. But the mom, we're the ones who everybody's tapping on our shoulder all the while we're also processing what is actually going on. So here's what I need you to know and what I do to save my sanity in seasons like this. First of all, whatever you're feeling absolutely great, absolutely valid. And what I want you to remember that grief and joy can coexist. You can be proud as shit of your kids that they what they've accomplished, what they're moving toward, and also really fired up about that. And you can also be devastated at the same time. You can cry after graduation and still be relieved and thrilled that it's over, right? You're human. You have limits. Let yourself be both. They're both fine, and one does not need to cancel out the other, right? So you can be so thankful that you don't have to be focused on the school routine or the baseball schedule or the homework schedule or the lunch schedule, whatever. Yeah. And not drive three hours a day to get your kids to stuff, but you can also be super sad to say goodbye to the teachers, and super sad to walk out of the school and drive out of the parking lot. It it all can exist. They're beautiful. They're not separate. They all work independently, right? Number two, you're growing too. One of my favorite quotes is, I'm gonna pronounce their name wrong, but Heraclitus, it's like no man steps in the same river twice, right? And that just means that we're never the same. Every single day, we're changing and growing, and life is always flowing. Life is always moving. So every milestone that your kids are hitting, it's going to tug on you too, because it's a milestone for you too, right? You've never been this version of you raising this version of your kids at this version of time. So give yourself some grace you're learning too. And all of our feels, our physical, our emotional, our spiritual, all of our feels. That's our body communicating with us, letting us know how we're doing with what we have going on. So if you're getting more headaches or if you're crying more, or if you're laughing more, if you're more hungry than usual, just pay attention to what your body's asking for, because it's telling you this is what I need to help you through this, so that you don't crash and burn, so that you don't just power through, so that you don't wish this day away and just try to get to the next season number three, the emotional roller coaster and the whiplash. It's real and one minute, yeah, you can be sobbing at the slide show that they're showing you of your kids over the last year, and the next moment, you could be answering a ton of text messages and trying to get your kids signed up for the brand new padded football camp. Your your best. He just told you about it. It's all of it is okay, and it doesn't necessarily mean that one feeling is more important than the other, and it doesn't mean if you're able to move on, that you're not respecting that feeling. But it is good to notice how these feelings are coming up. And if say you're in you're having an emotional moment about your kid graduating. If you don't have time to actually cry and process through. Don't worry about it, but try to give yourself some time later, maybe in the shower, and just let those emotions run through you, because emotions are energy, and if we don't allow them the space, they will get stuck. Excuse my sniffles. I've got horrible allergies this time of year, beautiful outside, freaking beautiful, but comes with wicked allergies. I will say that this time of year, the way a lot of moms are getting through this time of year, is like just barely, fingertip gripping on the side of a cliff, just trying to power through and so let's be honest, our central nervous systems get super fried. It doesn't mean that you're not strong, and it doesn't mean you are not doing a great job. You're doing a great job. It just means you're caring a lot. And we just need to notice when our feelings are talking to us so we can help ourselves through it. Because this is a there's a lot of feels going on. One thing that ways that you can really help yourself create space to feel these feelings. Number one, name it. Name it, to normalize it. You can say things like this season is a lot, doesn't mean I don't love my kids. Doesn't mean I trade it in for anything. It can still be a lot. It's okay to cry in the parking lot. It's okay to journal and write it down. It's okay to yell in your pillow. It's okay to text your bestie. It's okay to feel it instead of fighting it, you'll feel better, I promise you, if you don't squash it down, and I actually have a great tapping to help you process emotions, process anxiety, process overwhelm, I'll drop it in the show notes. It is massively transformational. You can listen to it while you're sitting in your car waiting for your kid to finish up their day as they're walking to the car. It's that short. A

Scottie Durrett  14:02  
couple of things to help you roll into the summer. Let's drop the summer perfection. Bs, nobody needs a Pinterest summer. Nobody does. Boredom is healing. It's nervous system, currency. Honestly, your kids need you. They don't need to be overbooked all summer. They don't need a daily themed activity. They don't need to be busy from sunrise to sunset. It's okay to do nothing. Nothing is something really and so do what feels best to you. It's a beautiful practice to kind of this is the beauty of summer. It's going to take some pressure off, if we allow it, give yourself some space to ask questions like, What do I feel like doing today? And ask your kids the same thing, it doesn't have to be perfect. Nobody's judging or watching, I promise, neither, especially your kids and, you know, Mark these big milestone moments, snuggle. Your kid, scroll through some old pictures, cry into your pillow if you need to, like, create a ritual, even if it's a solo dance party, even if it's just sitting in your car listening to some of your favorite songs, or a sunrise walk. Transitions deserve space. Grief deserves space. You deserve space. Your feelings are your feelings for a reason, and they're big, and this is a big, massive season. And give yourself time to catch up. Try not to just bulldoze through it. That adrenaline crash is very real, and it's gonna happen to both you and your kids, right? Because you're going, going, going, everybody's just running on autopilot. It's all like, oh my gosh, we're up here. We're celebrating big moments, big milestones. And then you all just get in your car and drive home to your house, right? Or you leave and go out of town, and you're saying goodbye to a lot of people. You're saying goodbye to a season. It's there's gonna be grief involved. It's a lot. And if you're feeling a lot, your kids are too. So give everybody time to let those feelings do their job and soak up in your body and process out this stuff matters. Your feelings matter. Create space for y'all to process through and let your feelings talk to you. You are doing such an amazing job. The fact that you're even here listening to this just shows that you care so much about your wellbeing and how you feel and how you're showing up to this life, right? And I think that's really so important for you to recognize, like the choices that you're making every single day, they are so significant, and when you're making choices with intention, like taking the time to listen to your feelings and realize that you're not just running a household. You're holding memories and transitions and identities and feelings, not just your feels, but theirs too. And you're doing more than just managing the chaos. You're guiding your family through change, cry in the pickup lane, crank the music celebrate the hell out of this shit. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, Holy crap, I'm a fucking bad ass, like, I love my kids. We worked really hard, and we deserve to celebrate that. Go out to, you know, California Pizza Kitchen or Houston and go enjoy that toast, your family toast, every single one of you, because this, this is the good stuff. This is the like, this is why we're doing it. All this right here, these moments, these connections, these feels, these dinners, these hugs, these memories. This is why we're doing it right. Like, this is the meat and potatoes. And so you always just want to make sure that this is you don't miss this shit, because it's so fucking good. You're amazing. If this hits you in the field, share it with your favorite mama who's also trying to white knuckle her way through this season. Tag me so I can ugly cry with you in the DMS. I promise you I'm also on this roller coaster. All of us mamas are feeling it. I think that's one of the most beautiful things we can do, is to tell ourselves, this is how I'm feeling. Share it with another mom and realize we're not alone. And then when our kids are seeing that and hearing that, it shows them how to do it, too. If you are needing more of a reset and want some more support. Really, what I would love to offer you is that it's not just about trying to get through a season. It's learning how to listen to your body take those communications so seriously so you can give yourself what it needs to thrive in every season, you don't have to wait till summer. You don't have to wait till your kids are older. If you want that help, if you want that guidance and support for us, to create that inner Zen and relief for you, then definitely check out my one on one coaching, because it's personalized. And we talk about where you are, where you want to be, and I help you take steps to get yourself there in a way that's so fitting into your life and feels good and gives you an amazing inner peace and starts to build your resilience right away. And I also share so many tools, my tapping, my hypnotherapy, my breath work, my meditations, so you honestly walk away with a new way to communicate with yourself, a new relationship with your body, and a whole toolbox of tools that you then get to share with your kids. So you're not meant to carry all this alone. You're not alone. I love you, and I mean it now. Go cry, go laugh, and maybe, maybe go drop those clothes off of the cleaners. I love you, Mama. You've got this. All right, Mama, that's a wrap on today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. But before you dive back into the beautiful chaos of your life, remember this. You're doing better than you think. You are not alone, and you sure as hell don't have to do this on autopilot if this episode hit home. Please share it with a mom who needs to hear it, because we are in this together. And if you're feeling extra generous, please drop a review. It helps momplex reach more mamas who need this real talk until next time. Trust yourself, trust your gut, and remember you already know what to do, and you are the perfect mama for your kiddos. See you next time. Mama, love you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai