61 - Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection in Marriage with Somatic Marriage Coach Becky Aste
Ashley and Jess talk with trauma-informed somatic relationship coach Becky Aste about how the nervous system shapes our relationships far more than insight or communication skills alone.
Becky shares the breaking point in her own marriage at year ten, when she and her husband, with two young kids and a long history of a “chase and run” conflict pattern, chose separation and began discussing divorce. Despite years of therapy and self-development, they felt hopeless until Becky discovered somatic coaching during their separation. Learning to work with her body and nervous system, rather than just her thoughts, shifted her energy and the “dance” in their marriage. Over time, they reconciled and rebuilt a relationship with more safety, intimacy, and play.
The conversation explores key differences between traditional “neck up” therapy and somatic coaching, which focuses on present-moment body awareness and regulation. Becky explains how the vagus nerve and body-to-brain signaling mean that 80 percent of our experience is driven from the body upward, so ignoring the body leaves many couples stuck.They dive into topics like using sex as a way to regulate or avoid disconnection, dissociation as a protective mechanism, and how trauma shows up in symptoms such as anxiety, gut issues, and chronic illness. Becky reframes codependency as a fawn response rooted in early survival strategies and unpacks how common attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure—play out in partnership.
Throughout, she offers simple somatic tools such as grounding through the five senses, box breathing, and movement to discharge built-up energy. The episode also covers boundaries from a nervous system lens, the impact of modeling on children, and how to tell the difference between a trauma-triggered reaction and deeper intuition. Becky ultimately suggests that a lack of embodied safety to be authentic lies at the heart of many divorces.
You can find Becky Aste at @becky_aste on Instagram
Her website and offerings here.
And her podcast Your Blueprint Breakthrough where you stream your podcasts.
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